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Breaking the cycle of negativity…

I grew up knowing that my mother was different than everyone else’s mom. It was something I had to learn to accept, though to this day I’m not sure I did until this year.  I wasn’t the easiest child during those early years either. I’m sure I still am not in her eyes. But somewhere along the way from childhood to adulthood, I’ve just stopped resenting her.

This year was the first time in my life that when people asked me of my spiritual beliefs I could truly say that I was very spiritual. Maybe not in the “traditional” Southern Bible Belt way, but I pray and I put faith in more things than I have ever in my life. My head is spinning with change.  Positive change. A word so overused this year but very appropriate to my growing. Discovering who I am was never something I felt I had to journey but somehow I am on one and I’m not as scared as I thought I would be.

I’ve always loved my mother, but one word I can never put to her is the word change. She’s just not a fan. Though her words from years gone by are less harsh, they still hold weight in my heart. She is manic depressive. I have to tell myself that everyday when I think of what she may have said or what I anticipate her saying. Even though she is more well than not through medication, she still is the mother I watched have breakdown after breakdown and I for one was a child who had to grow up fast.

This morning was a breakthrough for me in all of this I’ve just written. No matter what you try to attach to what shapes my mother, beyond her control or otherwise, one word I have to associate with her is negativity. She is a wonderful woman, loving and kind and I don’t say this as a way to insult her passive aggressively. But as I move along in my path in life, and as she has so much trouble accepting much of it, her general words on it all are not supportive. For years I craved acceptance and for years to come I will have to forget about asking or wishing for it. And in growing I have to shut my mind and ears off to words that will no longer help…especially these: “You know IT runs in the family.”

Let me tell you about IT. My grandmother, uncle and mother are very familiar with IT — mental illness.  Suddenly a mention of having trouble getting out of bed or the fact that I have been working on projects to help non-profits seems all to familiar to my mother. “You have highs and lows. You always want to do different things.”  What I reminded her of is that I have a thyroid disorder as I’ve mentioned in this blog before and so does she. The thyroid has much to do with mood and all around general health. And in the mornings that I have trouble pulling myself from the covers, I don’t dread my life. I’m just tired. And through my wanting to help people anyway I can, I’m not overly simulated with mania, I just want to make a difference.

I let her know today that I have to break this cycle of negativity. We have to as our own selves. We have to make our own path and follow it even if it feels scary. Even if your family doesn’t approve. You just have to take YOUR step. No one else can do it for you. And not everyone will applaud when you take it.

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Facebook anyone? Why can’t I stop?

It all started with work. They have us using Twitter and Facebook a lot at my job. I guess it’s newspaper media’s last ditch effort to connect to the world. Anyway it just morphed from there.

Facebook and Twitter have become my coffee and cigarette. Not that I’m a big user of those vices but the comparison is pretty spot on. And ever since I bought this blasted iPhone, I am on the social network high all day, everyday. In fact, I’m typing this from the WordPress ap! What have I become? By the way, if you have a Facebook, add me and find me on Twitter @Jenice78. He he.

Countdown to stupidity…

You republicans must have sweaty hands and clammy skin right now awaiting Sarah Palin’s debate against Joe Biden tonight. I, for one, or for more than probably half of the population, can’t wait. I’m not a democrat. I’m not a republican. But I am someone who depends on a candidate to know the basic logistics of things. Although I know that Palin is the perfect chum to the media sea of sharks (not to mention comedians), she isn’t making things easier on herself by having constant interviews displaying her Miss Carolina-esque knowledge of the world. The Iraq and everything such as…

Is anyone else more than bothered, bewildered and just plain scared of the possibility of someone an aneurysm away from being president who can’t see past her shotgun pointed moose? And who needs a tanning bed in the governor’s mansion? Yea, yea…they don’t get much sun there. But a tanning bed? There may not be offical “dirt” on Palin, however I’m still feeling uneasy. And the same can be said about Biden.

I predict Biden will come out like a crazed attack dog. A good friend of mine expects to hear a few censorship blips when Biden speaks and I she finds his candor hilarious.  I told her that I’m not a fan. I don’t see how a guy who, before the presidential election was in full swing, wasn’t Obama’s biggest fan but is now his running mate.

My prediction, and forgive me if this may sound a little violent and quite possibly the most awful thing I have ever typed:

Obama gets in the White House by dirty voting joined with legitimate votes from the millions who want “change,” just so Biden gets in the vice president seat.

Biden has Obama taken out.

Please rise for Joe Biden, the President of the United States.

“Hey, John! Now we can be friends again…”

Why American Airlines sucks

I’m back and trying to get things on track to semi-normalcy. Thanks everyone who wished me well during my recovery. What I really wanted to do was come back and share all my photos from my recent trip to Vegas. I still plan to, but what is getting in the way is the fact that I can’t get pass how much American Airlines needs to be put on blast.

Let me start with how since I turned 30 in January, I’ve had frequent abdominal pain and a tad bit of nausea after eating. While in Vegas I pretty much ate anything I wanted and pretty much paid for it on the last day. After having a seemingly innocent omelet, I started to feel sick. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and went to the bathroom to vomit. Sorry for the mental image here, but I basically had to make myself throw up. From the gas station next to the airport, at the airport and finally on the plane, I was getting sick every five to ten minutes. While flying back to Texas, I must have rushed to the tiny and may I say NASTY American Airlines bathroom and proceeded to keep gagging myself for the nausea was just unbearable. Meanwhile my boyfriend was worried. And at some point I got pretty delirious.

Luckily (and as it turned out kind of unluckily) we were in the back of the plane and the access to the potty was quick plus the flight attendants, which were stationed there, became clearly aware I was quite ill. My boyfriend asked that we have a wheelchair waiting at landing and that the attendants make sure to make an announcement that I needed to be let off the plane first.

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Should we follow advice columns?

I’m going to post what I’ve been posting over at my work blog. I’m really confused by these steps written by Quick writer Bridgette Williams. Am I just daft or are these really the best steps toward learning to love yourself and in turn land a guy? I want your opinions so you tell me.

Read them in their entirely here:

http://www.o8sis.com/sharedcontent/dws/o8s.is/bwilliams/stories/o8sis080131_ph_hookup.7882c02f.html 

and here: http://www.o8sis.com/sharedcontent/dws/o8sis/bwilliams/stories/o8sis08010207_ph_hookup.9cb767ae.html

But what I’m having issues with is her steps 6 thorough 8. It’s a walking contradiction.

6. Realize, reconcile, repeat. Let me explain. I’ve got a friend who engages in flirtatious banter with a bevy of boys – some she actually likes, some she doesn’t.

This creeps me out because I don’t understand why you would flirt with someone whom you have no interest in. That’s just mean. But I can reconcile it with the fact that you have to start somewhere, and flirting is as good a starting point as any.

7. Recruit a romantic role model. While my friend’s tactics are different than mine, I consider her a romantic role model. Find someone who navigates the dating world as a man magnet and find ways to emulate her.

8. Understand your love perspective. I was raised by guys. So it’s highly likely that I will have a guy’s point of view on most issues, like the whole flirting for flirting’s sake thing. My point is, if you know you don’t like the color, why are you trying on the dress?

So here is where I’m lost. I thought that if I had the flirty friend I am supposed to follow her lead but she just said not to flirt for flirting’s sake. I’m bringing all this up because as you go on your journey trying to figure out what is wrong with you or find out what to do with yourself by reading these advice columns, start dissecting.

I know we are all seeking for knowledge. Obviously because we are bloggers. And bloggers read other bloggers to get advice. Sometimes it’s good and other times…One thing I do agree with is the idea of loving yourself. But shouldn’t you figure out on your own how to do that. Can someone really tell you how to love you?

I’m a little late on Mardi Gras…

But I have another video for you…

And can I say, it’s actually possible to be sober during Mardi Gras inspired festivities though I’m not sure I would recommend it. Especially if you have to work while other people are having a lot more fun than you. The good news: at least I have something to show for it other than a massive hangover!

http://www.neighborsgo.com/video/602

How ya like that women’s vote now?

Hilary Clinton just got it wrong. Women aren’t the women of yesteryear. They don’t care that you get along with your mother. They don’t care that you support women’s rights. All of that in the end never shows in a presidency really except when we finally even GOT the right to vote. They DO care about what’s best for America though and apparently Hilary isn’t it.  I’m not really sure I think Obama is either but Iowa has spoken. And I saw it coming.

I’m not going to deny that I’m a little pleased a black man got past that mostly white state at last night’s caucus. But only because of the principle. It says a lot. It’s seems obvious that Obama showed something that got beyond race and THAT’S what pleases me. That doesn’t mean I will vote for him if it comes down to it just because I’m a black chick. It just means a little history has been made. The same goes for Hilary. I’m not going to vote for a woman just to vote for a woman. I just think today’s voting society, though still very disjointed, is a bit more intelligent than to vote just based on race or gender. Or at least I hope. Yesterday’s results kind of proves that though. Can’t really say Iowa pushed Obama through because he’s black. Please prepare to say I’m wrong though.

As for Huckabee. I don’t even have the time right now to discuss my fears of his win. We’ve still got New Hampshire but you know what they say–you win in Iowa, you win the presidency. Not really true though. Seems Bill squeaked by all those years ago.