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Breaking the cycle of negativity…

I grew up knowing that my mother was different than everyone else’s mom. It was something I had to learn to accept, though to this day I’m not sure I did until this year.  I wasn’t the easiest child during those early years either. I’m sure I still am not in her eyes. But somewhere along the way from childhood to adulthood, I’ve just stopped resenting her.

This year was the first time in my life that when people asked me of my spiritual beliefs I could truly say that I was very spiritual. Maybe not in the “traditional” Southern Bible Belt way, but I pray and I put faith in more things than I have ever in my life. My head is spinning with change.  Positive change. A word so overused this year but very appropriate to my growing. Discovering who I am was never something I felt I had to journey but somehow I am on one and I’m not as scared as I thought I would be.

I’ve always loved my mother, but one word I can never put to her is the word change. She’s just not a fan. Though her words from years gone by are less harsh, they still hold weight in my heart. She is manic depressive. I have to tell myself that everyday when I think of what she may have said or what I anticipate her saying. Even though she is more well than not through medication, she still is the mother I watched have breakdown after breakdown and I for one was a child who had to grow up fast.

This morning was a breakthrough for me in all of this I’ve just written. No matter what you try to attach to what shapes my mother, beyond her control or otherwise, one word I have to associate with her is negativity. She is a wonderful woman, loving and kind and I don’t say this as a way to insult her passive aggressively. But as I move along in my path in life, and as she has so much trouble accepting much of it, her general words on it all are not supportive. For years I craved acceptance and for years to come I will have to forget about asking or wishing for it. And in growing I have to shut my mind and ears off to words that will no longer help…especially these: “You know IT runs in the family.”

Let me tell you about IT. My grandmother, uncle and mother are very familiar with IT — mental illness.  Suddenly a mention of having trouble getting out of bed or the fact that I have been working on projects to help non-profits seems all to familiar to my mother. “You have highs and lows. You always want to do different things.”  What I reminded her of is that I have a thyroid disorder as I’ve mentioned in this blog before and so does she. The thyroid has much to do with mood and all around general health. And in the mornings that I have trouble pulling myself from the covers, I don’t dread my life. I’m just tired. And through my wanting to help people anyway I can, I’m not overly simulated with mania, I just want to make a difference.

I let her know today that I have to break this cycle of negativity. We have to as our own selves. We have to make our own path and follow it even if it feels scary. Even if your family doesn’t approve. You just have to take YOUR step. No one else can do it for you. And not everyone will applaud when you take it.

Facebook anyone? Why can’t I stop?

It all started with work. They have us using Twitter and Facebook a lot at my job. I guess it’s newspaper media’s last ditch effort to connect to the world. Anyway it just morphed from there.

Facebook and Twitter have become my coffee and cigarette. Not that I’m a big user of those vices but the comparison is pretty spot on. And ever since I bought this blasted iPhone, I am on the social network high all day, everyday. In fact, I’m typing this from the WordPress ap! What have I become? By the way, if you have a Facebook, add me and find me on Twitter @Jenice78. He he.

Countdown to stupidity…

You republicans must have sweaty hands and clammy skin right now awaiting Sarah Palin’s debate against Joe Biden tonight. I, for one, or for more than probably half of the population, can’t wait. I’m not a democrat. I’m not a republican. But I am someone who depends on a candidate to know the basic logistics of things. Although I know that Palin is the perfect chum to the media sea of sharks (not to mention comedians), she isn’t making things easier on herself by having constant interviews displaying her Miss Carolina-esque knowledge of the world. The Iraq and everything such as…

Is anyone else more than bothered, bewildered and just plain scared of the possibility of someone an aneurysm away from being president who can’t see past her shotgun pointed moose? And who needs a tanning bed in the governor’s mansion? Yea, yea…they don’t get much sun there. But a tanning bed? There may not be offical “dirt” on Palin, however I’m still feeling uneasy. And the same can be said about Biden.

I predict Biden will come out like a crazed attack dog. A good friend of mine expects to hear a few censorship blips when Biden speaks and I she finds his candor hilarious.  I told her that I’m not a fan. I don’t see how a guy who, before the presidential election was in full swing, wasn’t Obama’s biggest fan but is now his running mate.

My prediction, and forgive me if this may sound a little violent and quite possibly the most awful thing I have ever typed:

Obama gets in the White House by dirty voting joined with legitimate votes from the millions who want “change,” just so Biden gets in the vice president seat.

Biden has Obama taken out.

Please rise for Joe Biden, the President of the United States.

“Hey, John! Now we can be friends again…”

Why American Airlines sucks

I’m back and trying to get things on track to semi-normalcy. Thanks everyone who wished me well during my recovery. What I really wanted to do was come back and share all my photos from my recent trip to Vegas. I still plan to, but what is getting in the way is the fact that I can’t get pass how much American Airlines needs to be put on blast.

Let me start with how since I turned 30 in January, I’ve had frequent abdominal pain and a tad bit of nausea after eating. While in Vegas I pretty much ate anything I wanted and pretty much paid for it on the last day. After having a seemingly innocent omelet, I started to feel sick. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and went to the bathroom to vomit. Sorry for the mental image here, but I basically had to make myself throw up. From the gas station next to the airport, at the airport and finally on the plane, I was getting sick every five to ten minutes. While flying back to Texas, I must have rushed to the tiny and may I say NASTY American Airlines bathroom and proceeded to keep gagging myself for the nausea was just unbearable. Meanwhile my boyfriend was worried. And at some point I got pretty delirious.

Luckily (and as it turned out kind of unluckily) we were in the back of the plane and the access to the potty was quick plus the flight attendants, which were stationed there, became clearly aware I was quite ill. My boyfriend asked that we have a wheelchair waiting at landing and that the attendants make sure to make an announcement that I needed to be let off the plane first.

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Should we follow advice columns?

I’m going to post what I’ve been posting over at my work blog. I’m really confused by these steps written by Quick writer Bridgette Williams. Am I just daft or are these really the best steps toward learning to love yourself and in turn land a guy? I want your opinions so you tell me.

Read them in their entirely here:

http://www.o8sis.com/sharedcontent/dws/o8s.is/bwilliams/stories/o8sis080131_ph_hookup.7882c02f.html 

and here: http://www.o8sis.com/sharedcontent/dws/o8sis/bwilliams/stories/o8sis08010207_ph_hookup.9cb767ae.html

But what I’m having issues with is her steps 6 thorough 8. It’s a walking contradiction.

6. Realize, reconcile, repeat. Let me explain. I’ve got a friend who engages in flirtatious banter with a bevy of boys – some she actually likes, some she doesn’t.

This creeps me out because I don’t understand why you would flirt with someone whom you have no interest in. That’s just mean. But I can reconcile it with the fact that you have to start somewhere, and flirting is as good a starting point as any.

7. Recruit a romantic role model. While my friend’s tactics are different than mine, I consider her a romantic role model. Find someone who navigates the dating world as a man magnet and find ways to emulate her.

8. Understand your love perspective. I was raised by guys. So it’s highly likely that I will have a guy’s point of view on most issues, like the whole flirting for flirting’s sake thing. My point is, if you know you don’t like the color, why are you trying on the dress?

So here is where I’m lost. I thought that if I had the flirty friend I am supposed to follow her lead but she just said not to flirt for flirting’s sake. I’m bringing all this up because as you go on your journey trying to figure out what is wrong with you or find out what to do with yourself by reading these advice columns, start dissecting.

I know we are all seeking for knowledge. Obviously because we are bloggers. And bloggers read other bloggers to get advice. Sometimes it’s good and other times…One thing I do agree with is the idea of loving yourself. But shouldn’t you figure out on your own how to do that. Can someone really tell you how to love you?

I’m a little late on Mardi Gras…

But I have another video for you…

And can I say, it’s actually possible to be sober during Mardi Gras inspired festivities though I’m not sure I would recommend it. Especially if you have to work while other people are having a lot more fun than you. The good news: at least I have something to show for it other than a massive hangover!

http://www.neighborsgo.com/video/602

How ya like that women’s vote now?

Hilary Clinton just got it wrong. Women aren’t the women of yesteryear. They don’t care that you get along with your mother. They don’t care that you support women’s rights. All of that in the end never shows in a presidency really except when we finally even GOT the right to vote. They DO care about what’s best for America though and apparently Hilary isn’t it.  I’m not really sure I think Obama is either but Iowa has spoken. And I saw it coming.

I’m not going to deny that I’m a little pleased a black man got past that mostly white state at last night’s caucus. But only because of the principle. It says a lot. It’s seems obvious that Obama showed something that got beyond race and THAT’S what pleases me. That doesn’t mean I will vote for him if it comes down to it just because I’m a black chick. It just means a little history has been made. The same goes for Hilary. I’m not going to vote for a woman just to vote for a woman. I just think today’s voting society, though still very disjointed, is a bit more intelligent than to vote just based on race or gender. Or at least I hope. Yesterday’s results kind of proves that though. Can’t really say Iowa pushed Obama through because he’s black. Please prepare to say I’m wrong though.

As for Huckabee. I don’t even have the time right now to discuss my fears of his win. We’ve still got New Hampshire but you know what they say–you win in Iowa, you win the presidency. Not really true though. Seems Bill squeaked by all those years ago.

Why is follow through so hard to do?

I run a very tiny business. Minuscule in fact. But it’s mine and I enjoy what I do.

My efforts have brought me some successes… And I hope to keep growing, learning and hopefully, earning. But here’s something I don’t get. I have at least five people who have been emailing me back and forth about booking a session. And so far no one has planted down a solid date or commitment. It’s not like I’m outrageously priced. I’m not. I realize I’m no David LaChapelle  (love him by the way) but I do my best. Besides, if you clicked on that link, you will know that’s a COMPLETELY different genre than most photographers out there anyway. He’s a legend.  Anyway, I do the job quite nicely for portraits, a wedding or two, and my photographic art. So what’s up with the lack of follow through?

Why, as humans, are we so bad at following through what we set out to do? As it stands I was supposed to be blogging on my fledgling other blog. I have someone I interviewed for a post there and I’ve yet to write it. Why? Because it will be actual work putting it all together so I can do some justice and I’m on vacation. So what am I doing instead? I’m writing about how people don’t follow through. The difference is, however, I WILL do it. And soon enough. But how many times have we all said we WILL do something and don’t do it. In this case no money is involved. In the case of my potential clients, I’ve got no money coming in from them yet since they haven’t officially booked. Frustrating.

I don’t like to be dangled along like a kitty cat looking to get her head petted. Shit or get off the pot has got to be the best saying known to man.

enough with the osmonds: part II (spooky)

A few days ago, I wrote a post about The Osmonds. Which is weird because I maybe have mentioned the Osmonds three times my entire lifetime until Marie got on Dancing with the Stars. Well for some reason that post did something weird. It disappeared, then reappeared only to be in pieces, then I finished the parts that went away, posted it and it appeared to be in pieces again. I took that as a hint and deleted. Or is was the spirit of their parents now passed  — may they rest in piece — trying to stop me from saying Donny Osmond is kind of a douche.

I’m not a huge fan of this family. I’ve just always thought it was odd yet strangely pleasant that such a big family existed, seemingly in harmony. I’m an only child brat. The post I tried to publish on here was going after the fact that Donny Osmond is an attention whore. Bless him. He seems like a good enough guy but for the love of Pete, why is he on every day on some show or another hanging on the coat tails of his sister’s Dancing with the Stars  stint? I guess Marie is kind of doing the same thing, but she IS legitimately on a show people watch and it’s a program that gets mad ratings. Her brother is just hanging around like a pathetic shadow. I’m sure even the queen of nice has to get a little tired of it.

Why don’t “celebrities” just admit when their jig is up? Marie has some staying power I guess. She has some major fans on that show. I mean for someone of her age and not so awesome dancing skills (certain dances work for her — but only a few) to still be on the show this late in the game, she would HAVE to have some major fans.

OK. I’m talking about that damn show again and I swore I wouldn’t unless something interesting happened. Other than the fact that the show is cursed (parents seem to die a lot and people fall a lot or pass out or get food poisoning), nothing is interesting enough to warrant a WHOLE post. And neither is the fact that Donny is an entertainment television appearance junkie. But I guess I just had to say something because it annoyed me. Nothing to see here.

That’s it. Screw being green…

another wtf?I’m just sick.

Here we were buying those energy saving bulbs only to find out that in the end it can poison our environment. Did you know there are traces of mercury in these things?! The normal person would just chunk them, as I planned to do. But apparently we need to read the box. Imagine that. But who the hell reads the box of a damn bulb? It specifically says not toss the little buggers into the trash. We must get in our cars, waste $3 plus gas we can’t afford, drive to the nearest chemical collection joint and dispose of them there. All the while hoping, wishing and praying that they won’t break.

Because guess what you have to do if you break one? You evacuate the house for about 15 minutes and open the windows. And you should pick up the pieces with tape. TAPE! Don’t vacuum them up. Oh, no, no, no. Now I just saw this on tonight’s news, so bare with me if you knew this already and also bear with me as there isn’t video up yet of the newscast. However I found this short question and answer.

This isn’t really new. Fluorescent bulbs, as my old crony father just informed me when I phoned him for his opinion, have always had some kind of crazy chemicals in them. But I disagree with him on this case (as far a not really concerning myself with it) because it seems like these bulbs have been pushed on us like street drugs. So there for they are more common. And the impression given is that we HAVE to use these. One plus is that these bulbs last for ever and ever. So more than likely by the time we have to worry about it, they would have either come up with some other way to save energy or banned the things.

I, against some of the writers of several blogs I read better judgement, recycle. I kind of put my hands on my ears and sing, “La, la la la” Pee Wee Herman style every time I have to hear that recycling is a waste of time, energy and dollars. But still I just can’t bring myself to toss away plastic. Call it a sickness. Whatever. However this is different. I don’t think I will be buying any more of these bulbs after the ones I have blow out, which will probably take eons anyway. And according to the report, there are enough of the bulbs getting tossed out daily to one day potentially be a problem.

This is of course if you want to believe your local news source that such a thing could happen. Since I kind of work for them, I’m kinda inclined to believe this one. It definitely wasn’t a wide-eyed promotion of the product. Pretty soon, and no matter how much I may be overreacting now, I still bet we will be hearing all the these cases where this mercury issue has snowballed enough for lawsuits, shot in the dark attorney TV ads, Lifetime specials and birth defects. 

This is one green I’m putting a big red friggin’ X on…