Archive for the ‘thyroid’ Category

Breaking the cycle of negativity…

I grew up knowing that my mother was different than everyone else’s mom. It was something I had to learn to accept, though to this day I’m not sure I did until this year.  I wasn’t the easiest child during those early years either. I’m sure I still am not in her eyes. But somewhere along the way from childhood to adulthood, I’ve just stopped resenting her.

This year was the first time in my life that when people asked me of my spiritual beliefs I could truly say that I was very spiritual. Maybe not in the “traditional” Southern Bible Belt way, but I pray and I put faith in more things than I have ever in my life. My head is spinning with change.  Positive change. A word so overused this year but very appropriate to my growing. Discovering who I am was never something I felt I had to journey but somehow I am on one and I’m not as scared as I thought I would be.

I’ve always loved my mother, but one word I can never put to her is the word change. She’s just not a fan. Though her words from years gone by are less harsh, they still hold weight in my heart. She is manic depressive. I have to tell myself that everyday when I think of what she may have said or what I anticipate her saying. Even though she is more well than not through medication, she still is the mother I watched have breakdown after breakdown and I for one was a child who had to grow up fast.

This morning was a breakthrough for me in all of this I’ve just written. No matter what you try to attach to what shapes my mother, beyond her control or otherwise, one word I have to associate with her is negativity. She is a wonderful woman, loving and kind and I don’t say this as a way to insult her passive aggressively. But as I move along in my path in life, and as she has so much trouble accepting much of it, her general words on it all are not supportive. For years I craved acceptance and for years to come I will have to forget about asking or wishing for it. And in growing I have to shut my mind and ears off to words that will no longer help…especially these: “You know IT runs in the family.”

Let me tell you about IT. My grandmother, uncle and mother are very familiar with IT — mental illness.  Suddenly a mention of having trouble getting out of bed or the fact that I have been working on projects to help non-profits seems all to familiar to my mother. “You have highs and lows. You always want to do different things.”  What I reminded her of is that I have a thyroid disorder as I’ve mentioned in this blog before and so does she. The thyroid has much to do with mood and all around general health. And in the mornings that I have trouble pulling myself from the covers, I don’t dread my life. I’m just tired. And through my wanting to help people anyway I can, I’m not overly simulated with mania, I just want to make a difference.

I let her know today that I have to break this cycle of negativity. We have to as our own selves. We have to make our own path and follow it even if it feels scary. Even if your family doesn’t approve. You just have to take YOUR step. No one else can do it for you. And not everyone will applaud when you take it.

Resolutions: Pointless yet expected

Last year I posted my resolutions. I even went as far as making a page on here about them. I can pretty much say if sticking to resolutions were a class I probably made a C- or maybe a D? You can read them all here. But I’m going to recap.

1. Never watch Beaches again. Reminds me too much of a friend I miss dearly. (Check. And that friend and I are in the same zip code now.)

2. Stop yelling every time something doesn’t go my way. (I did pretty well with this one…)

3. Here’s the most common of all: Lose a total of 30 pounds by next year. (Well this didn’t happen. But you can read why here. All I have to say is I have an Oprah excuse.)

4. Keep up calorie-counting. (Um yeah…that got old.)

5. Get over the things I can’t change. That’s a big one. (Bombed.)

6. Make myself more available when it comes to sparking new relationships. It’s time I’ve found grown up events and places (i.e. not bars) to frequent to nab me a man…(First part. Yes. Second part…um yea.)

7. MAKE MORE MONEY. (This did happen. And my photography helped a little as well.)

8. Travel. No excuses of money, time or if I can get people to join me.  (My three-month stint at “love” took me to Vegas.)

9. Get my dream lens…at all costs. A new camera won’t hurt either.  (Check and check. But now I have another dream lens I want.)

10. Complain less. That’s a hard one so I have one caveat: Complain less to people in person and get it all out on my blog.  (I did pretty damn good with this one, considering where I had to start. Only I wish that I blogged more.)

So I’m ready to get going on this year’s set of resolutions that I am going to work like hell to actually complete. This is a new year that I have been waiting for all last year. Last year was a real challenge.

Read my 2009 list after the jump…
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All I want for Christmas is a disease

Your body speaks to you. And if you listen very carefully it can tell you when something is wrong. It seems to be the most basic thing to know and be aware of, but sometimes we DON’T listen when we should. This year has been a very trying one for me. One of constant illness and I’ve written about it here along the way. It turns out that some of my problems are closely related to a diagnosis I just received last week.

My life-long friend has been telling me for a long time now to see her doctor. He is an endocrinologist and knows a heck of a lot about the thyroid. I have had bouts of tiredness, strange moods and just all around scatter-brain behavior. I jokingly chocked some of that up to undiagnosed adult ADD.  I just can’t seem to get my thoughts together sometimes and lose focus. With all of this combined along with crazy hormones and the fact that I haven’t dropped a pound after I hired a trainer a few months ago, I finally took my friend’s advice.

I have had my thyroid checked before so I thought nothing was wrong. However, my antibodies were never checked and it turns out that I have Hashimoto’s thyroiditis. Hashimoto’s is an autoimmune disease which basically means the body attacks itself. My thyroid is pretty much not working properly which explains the weight issues and all of the hormonal changes.  The doctor is a Dutchman and isn’t a big fan of American practices. He asked all the questions none of my previous doctors have asked. He even tested my reflexes. And he felt around my neck and found that I have a goiter. None of these things were done before and he took the time….now I finally know why I’ve felt like crap.

I’ve started on Synthroid. It is supposed to get my thyroid in order. And through all of this my dear friend is giving me advice and sending links to stories I should read to further understand this whole thing. All this time she kept bugging me about it. If only I had listened sooner. So all I got for Christmas so far is a diagnosis, a disease and meds. But at least I know now before the new year begins. Hopefully it will be a better one. I plan to keep updating here to chronicle this thing…and maybe I can finally countdown OFFICIALLY to an even hotter 31.

Day 72: Wipe down your equipment

wipe-down-your-equipment.jpgI’ve started counting calories…reluctantly.

The working out has been steady but I’ve been under the delusion that I’ve been eating the right portions of everything. Wrong. Of course wrong! I’ve been counting calories for a little more than a week and have already lost enough inches for the owner of this cafe across the street from my job to ask, “Have you lost weight?”

I didn’t just jump on this calorie thing. I did it kicking and screaming until my mother bought and gave me several books to help me along. And some notebooks to keep track. I’m staying at no more than 2,000 calories and I’ve done quite well. It doesn’t even annoy me that much anymore and I’ve lost a few of my hard and fast cravings: burgers, pizza…Sonic slushes. Wait. Now that I’ve typed that I need to find the calorie count for one because a slush suddenly sounds good…

Anyway, my mother has noted my progress. She is concerned for me because I’ve been so concerned. Because of medication and a thyroid disorder, she has trouble with her weight. In fact she is very good at managing food intake and now I’m in training. I’m only a pound away from dropping under the dreaded weight I am now which, no matter how disclosing I am here, I will never share. At least not until I am well below it.

Because of overdoing the reception on Saturday and dancing all night, I haven’t hit the gym. I am only just now nearly 100 percent from having all that nausea. I don’t think a hangover lasts that long and I’m now convinced I got food poisoning from the all of six bites of Chinese food I had that night after the club. Or maybe it’s because I haven’t been doing that kind of food and my body went into shock. Don’t know.

The last time I went to the gym my favorite treadmill was covered in snot and spit. No lie! It was like someone was so determined to finish their miles that they didn’t care they had an upper-respiratory infection or other funky health issue in the process. It was so sick I almost didn’t work out. But instead I grabbed on to the very dry elliptical machine and tried not to heave. I don’t know why I shared that except to give warning to all of you who work out and like to grab onto those heart-rate bars like I do. Never again.

Day 43: Flatter but am I thinner?

In the shower this morning I looked down and noticed something…

Before you go all dirty over there, the thing I noticed was my tummy. It looked flatter. However, I’m not noticing (still) a huge difference in my weight or inch-count. But when I sit down I don’t fell as tubby. Maybe progress is happening yet. I’ve started taking coconut oil. Yea, that sounds all granola and stuff but I’ve read up a bit on it and supposedly it helps your thyroid, digestion and metabolism. I’ve even noticed a pep in my step since taking it. So all in all, even if I don’t drop major poundage from it I am at least a little more chipper most days…

I spent Days 41-42 running like a mad woman between running errands, attending community events in my coverage area, cleaning and making deadline. By the end of yesterday, my thighs were aching. So the gym didn’t bask in my presence. I’m hoping to head out there tonight after work but we’ll see.

I’ve got vacation starting Thursday through next Monday so I’m hoping to not only pump up during that time but CATCH up on all the reading I’m missing on here. I’ve been quite neglectful…