Archive for the ‘suck it’ Category

Day 63: The power of a note on the door…

Be gone all you thiefs!I woke up to discover this morning that my tiny Christmas tree equipped with tiny, shiny, glittery little ornaments was swiped from my front porch. I know that it may not have been the best thing — to actually leave something I gave a rip about on the front porch. But combined with the gold bells on my door, the bow I made latched on to the door knocker — everything felt so nice when I came home. Because from inside and out my house was so very pleasantly festive with Christmas cheer. Well, my Christmas cheer faded with my little discovery.

I became enraged. I left a polite note on my neighbor’s door about it after looking around the complex (and glancing the trash) to see if I would find it somewhere. I sat in my house, numb with anger of course. I’ve been robbed several times in my life. Mostly related to my car. This was it. So I kept checking the peep hole every now and then just to see if I saw someone to ask questions. Then I noticed this one young looking guy coming down from upstairs who looked quite guilty when he stopped at my neighbor’s door to read my note which read:

“If you happen to know who stole my tree, please let me know. It wasn’t very nice. Signed (my apartment number).”

Then after he read it, he looked down directly where my Christmas tree WOULD have been. When I saw his face I decided to draft another letter and this time put it on MY door. This one read:

“Merry Christmas Asshole. Whoever stole my fucking Christmas tree doesn’t know who they are fucking with. You will get yours — one way or another. Signed (my apartment number).”

I fumed. Ran errands and came home. Then I heard some really loud walking and looked out the peephole. I saw my “friendly” upstairs neighbor going downstairs. I decided to wait for her to head back up. She would have to pass my door to get to her apartment. I waited because the connection was made. She was surely friends with the guy from earlier in the afternoon. Before I could completely ask her if she had heard anything funny last night she confessed that her friend stole my tree. She said he was “intoxicated” and that she was sorry and was bringing back the tree. Guess what she said next?

“I didn’t appreciate that note. It wasn’t very Christmas-like…”

THE BALLS ON THIS CHICK! I told her I didn’t give a damn, she stole from me and that I’ve been through a lot in my life. And that I didn’t appreciate HER stealing from me. She proceeded to say it wasn’t her. It was her friend. Same damn thing. Long story longer, she brought it back and said that she didn’t want it to affect things with her and I. Hilarious. My punctuation mark was letting her know I’ve been victimized in my life and that stealing from me was wrong. She felt like shit. Her face was if she may have concluded I was once upon a time kidnapped and left for dead.

What does this have to do with the countdown? Nothing. An hour walking in a parade carrying a giant Curious George yesterday and ending my day getting back stolen property counts as a workout for me.

FIN.

Can my cat have the answer to rising gas prices?

While you/we were nursing our Halloween hangovers, the gas companies were giving it to us Pulp Fiction style while we were recuperating. I knew I woke up a little sore back there from something…

Gasoline is officially above $3 – again – on Long Island. And heating oil has hit yet another record: $3.113 a gallon. Experts say it will get worse before it gets better.

 

And it’s not just Long Island, of course. The highest I saw here in Dallas was over $2.81 

I recently purchased a Toyota Yaris.

Mine is black, though… 

 

You would think that this whole rising gas crap (AGAIN) wouldn’t affect me much. Wrong-o. With my job I am constantly on the highway — speeding along from different towns and frequent trips through tollways and maneuvering downtown. Plus bi-weekly trips to see my parents. Though I can go about a week without officially filling up, on a considerably busy week I may need to hit the pump twice. Waiting for mileage reimbursement from my company can be a real buzz kill…

So yes. Egg-owners like me are also suffering right along horrid Hummer owners in this time of gas anal spelunking. Sorry if you own a Hummer. No. I don’t hug trees.

What is happening? Really? I want the real story…

I know some of you folks have the answer, right? Anyway, pretty soon I’m going to figure out how to fuel my car with cat pee.

You probably think you are being cute…

But whoever has so much fucking time to sit and see what words to put together to reach my blog and then wait to see if I get pissed is a pathetic waste of life and space on this planet. I don’t have a problem calling people out when they are acting like sheer morons. Sometimes I even reward those morons and find a way to publicly humiliate them in return for giving everyone the pleasure of displaying their stupidity right there on the sleeve.

A few references to something gross or ridiculous to get to my blog, I laugh at and move on. I have even gotten over the fact that someone Googles about 15 TIMES DAILY stuff about interracial dating, black women and white men, and if black women are approachable to get to this shit everyday. That I can deal with by shaking my head. But when someone puts NIGGER DAY STATE FAIR TEXAS together to see if my blog will pop up, I will have to say you can suck it, then eat it, choke on it and then gag to death.  YOU, whoever you are, have way too much time on your hands and needs either a job, a life or a hobby. Contact me because I’m sure I can find something for you to do.

Thanks for letting me rant because sometimes this bitch just needs to grab by the balls.

Smooches,

Arm