Archive for the ‘single’ Category

Me and Barry…

Tricked ya. I’m not really dating a guy named Barry. I scored some free tickets from my favorite local radio station and I am confessing right now that I actually went to a Barry Manilow concert last night. When in doubt — go to a concert, I always say. Well, I really don’t say that, but you just never know who you may see there. I went with another single friend who loves Manilow. And may I add that I saw a good crop of good-looking lads — too bad they were looking at each other. Read more

Video: Your lowercase “t” is showing…

Since I’ve been in the doldrums of political madness this week, I’m going to post a slice of funny. Well. I hope it’s funny anyway. Here is a video we shot for work that shows me, the “Eligible Editor” (blah) and her friend getting their handwriting analyzed.

Here’s what I can tell you that wasn’t kid-friendly or good for tape:

1. My “y’s” show that I have a high sex drive. Hum.

2. My “t’s” show that I have a slight self-esteem problem. Really?! I didn’t think I did but maybe that’s just something you don’t really know but just get told to you?

3. Apparently I don’t really have high standards when it comes to men. I don’t know about now but that sure does explain my past flubs!!

Click the pic and enjoy…

http://www.neighborsgo.com/video/618

 

He’s back in your life…now what?

I have been recently contacted by a guy I was seeing. We didn’t end on bad terms, exactly. He just had a lot going on and dropped out of view while I just figured he was a jerk or something (even though he was always a nice guy.) However he has since asked for another shot. Now I’m one to can forgive. But after you have burned me twice, I’ve moved on. Well. I’m giving things another shot. Shot number 2. However I’m very gun-shy about it. How do you let yourself get involved again without all the fear? Do you trust it?

In this case, he said all the right things. Said he made a mistake. Said he wanted another chance and promised no strings attached while he tries to gain my trust I guess. The way my life is right now, I’ve really been focusing on me. But maybe I shouldn’t let that get in the way? I’m such a skeptic. And I don’t expect romance anymore. I just want something stable but at the same time I have finally accepted single life so if it doesn’t work out, going back to the usual won’t be a shock. Many of you, in a round about way, have stated that whole “life is too short” thing in some of my other posts. It is. While it is short, I don’t want a roller-coaster–but I guess that bumpy ride can be fun. Hum. As I twiddle my thumbs, he’s calling shortly. As I twiddle my thumbs I wonder when will I be comfortable with dating again…If I ever really was.

STD free is the life for me…

casual-sex-day.JPGThat may sound like a cheesy PSA or after-school special. But damn it’s so true. Being a single chick in this day and age of crazy STD stats is a tough sport. You kind of feel like saying, “It’s hard out here for a pimp…

Because man, even though I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the things your mama says you shouldn’t, I’m not really feeling like risking things. I get tested every year. And every year feels like, *coughs* dodging a bullet, even when you know you stayed safe. Do I really have to discuss the reliability, or lack there of, when it comes to protection? I hate the word abstinence but I like my life. So if I’m not catching my share of worth-a-crap fish, I’m not going to risk my health on a quick swim. What’s a girl to do when she has a healthy appetite? Good thing I don’t live in Alabama.

Some may say that the stats big bad government gives us are exaggerated. However I highly doubt it. Mainly because it seems like two out of every five people I’ve ever met in my life have or had an STD. I don’t need to Google or go to the library for reinforcements here. That alone is enough. Why is sex so appealing? What a dumb question.

What I should really be asking is why does sex have to be so damn cursed? If you believe in Genesis, then maybe Eve can be our theory. Eve messed up royally grabbing that apple. 280px-shemaylookcleanbut.jpgWas that the beginning of crabs? Did she and Adam get an itchy rash after sharing the bittersweet fruit? I’m not aiming at being blasphemous. I’m really asking. There has to be traceable origin of the first STD which I’m guessing was syphilis. Any STD scholars out there? The ladies over at The Blog of Knowledge have some fun and usable sex-filled advice. Maybe I should ask them… 

But I’ve really digressed. I just want to state the obvious: I have embraced and ranted about being a single gal but we all have needs — even defiant bitches like me. Some folks will tell you to get a FB. I’m not big into the FB stuff. It never ends well and someone always ends up wanting more…OR when the other gets a girlfriend or boyfriend, there went your easy access to booty.

Do I really have to get in a serious relationship to feel safe? And even when you do, man…don’t get me started on cheating. Gee after writing about it, sex seems like too much trouble…

 Here’s a victory dance…

 

I’m single. So what?

I can’t believe I am actually going to say this but I think I’ve finally come to grips with being single. Mark my words I guess but it finally dawned on me that being comfy in my own skin was a bit more important than having to have someone else’s right next to me to make me feel whole. But my newfound comfort level pretty much got shaken at lunch last week. Over sandwiches and cheesecake of all things. And a tall glass of sweet tea. Crammed in a leather booth with five other work mates.A married coworker said something I JUST HATE TO HEAR.

“You need a man,” she said. I nearly spit out my rich, cakey goodness as I slowly removed the fork from my mouth.

It was abrupt in a pure New York accent. I think maybe she meant well. Who the hell knows. In front of the whole damn table she said this. And I just laughed it off. Everyone at the table was either married or practically married. There was only one other single chick at the table who is younger than me. Her eyes nearly feel out of her head. And because I’m just so damn lovable (yea, right) I just let it go.

I get asked a lot why I’m not married. More than I feel I need to.

“You have so much going for yourself, I would think any man would want to snatch you up!” or “I go to church with such and such guy you should meet.” That last one always gets me going and I try my best to be polite about it. I usually just want to say why are you assuming I take communion? Or what makes you think I’m not an atheist.

And then I get this whole bit like, “Oh with how busy you are, I bet you don’t even have the time.” Why does my singlehood have to be justified like that?

I’m convinced that single is the new relationship. I have said this before but only embraced it seriously today. Mainly because sorting out your life into cardboard boxes at midnight kind of makes you reflect on life for some reason. I’ve made a huge improvement in my attitude toward life and have finally come to a great happy place with the world of just me. Even after that little lunch. But I will admit hearing such remarks sickens me about the same way hearing something bigoted would rile me up.

I don’t feel the need to justify why I’m single. I just am. So why can’t people leave it alone? I’m single. So what?

Awww. Poor single kitty.

Hahaha. Check out the latest cat from the lol generator. She even looks a little like me.

Is marriage a rite of passage?

With all this recent talk in my blog about marriage, I just have to wonder something about the rites of passage we encounter.

There are all these small and momentous moments in our lives. The small ones are simple enough: Tying your shoes for the first time, making your own lunch for school, walking to the bus stop by yourself. But the large ones like your first kiss, losing your virginity, high school graduation, first job (maybe not in that order of course!) can place their mark on you for the rest of your life.

Your rite of passage into adulthood is clearly defined by these things. There are so many more too like finally achieving independence, going to college, children — whatever is a milestone in your life isn’t necessarily the same for everyone. But is marriage one of the required rites?

Many say that marriage comes before children so it is a necessary thing. But you don’t have to be married to have children while many say the two should go hand and hand. I’ve never really had a desire to have children and at one point of my life marriage wasn’t something I wanted either. But as things truck along and years pass, marriage has been on my “to do” list of things. I know it kind of sounds clinical and impersonal that way — thinking of it as a check off on a master list, but I guess that is how I see it. There-in lies the problem?

I finished college, landed my first real career. What’s next? Of course always improving or looking to move up or progressing in what I am accomplishing should be enough on my plate. Sometimes it isn’t — much to my chagrin. Marriage isn’t anywhere near my radar. Is marriage something EVERYONE should reach for at some point in their lives? Just as with all those other milestones, is marriage a rite of passage or just another option?

There is a list of famous, great people who never married. I can think of a few spectacular writers and activists alone — Jane Austen (who has been referred to as a spinster) and Susan B. Anthony (where in one text says, “… she had time, freedom and ability to travel.” Not so bad.) But did they really miss out? What if you never reach for the supposed finality of tying the knot? Are you a lesser person for it? To say less is a bit dramatic of course but what about all those references to spinsters not too long ago (and sometimes used today). Why is an unmarried man a bachelor and an unmarried woman an ugly-sounding name like “spinster…”? Sounds like sinister. 🙂

Actually spinster used to be used on applications and documents in place of the word  “single.” Centuries ago women who remained unmarried were looked down upon. Some even considered witches!! And just in the past few decades such as in the 1950s, this idea never really went away. It was just a tad less menacing! I am not blind enough to believe this sort of thinking and overall perception doesn’t exist today.

I remember in middle school that the fact that I never dated ( I wasn’t even allowed to until I was 16) prompted someone to say I was a lesbian. And it was said as an insult, of course. I could have cared less about the accusation but what enraged me was society’s idea that everyone, even at that tender age, should always be partnered and if you weren’t, something was wrong with you. And today that translates to people starting to suggest seeking out a spouse on eHarmony or Match.com.

Of course I realize that the whole world isn’t always persecuting the perpetual single person. But there is no denying the underlying raised eyebrow if you have reached a certain age and never wed.

Your “ideal” woman…

 9 times out of 10 she is not black.

I am a woman who loves men in all shapes, sizes and colors. Men are men to me — no matter the race. And I personally can say I have a dating/sexual history that looks similar to a United Colors of Benetton ad. But I can’t say that, at least in the South, I’ve noticed a real “boom” in other races dating black women. More than likely you see a black man with a white woman. I don’t have a problem with that but was once told by a black male friend of mine that black man seek out white women because they are considered unattainable, a prize. I can give you a nice little highschool memory here but I think I will save it for a later blog.

I don’t care who people date. However if I’ve got to play the Internet Dating Game (which already pretty much sucks), I don’t really swallow alienation that well. Just take any dating site. Do a search and look at what the  guy is looking for, ethnicity-wise.

Here are your options:

African American (black)
Asian
Caucasian (white)
East Indian
Hispanic/Latino
Middle Eastern
Native American
Pacific Islander
Inter-racial
Other

And of course there is the option of checking the box for “any.”

Here is the fun part: Just take out a little scrap of notebook paper and check the appropriate boxes as you browse the guys’ “wish list.” You can add the “any” box in your total for each ethnicity, just to be fair. I’ll give you a minute….

OK, did you total them up? Even the black fellas’ totals? Are you amazed yet? You guessed it! Almost everyone either checked a few boxes, excluding the African American (black) box, or checked every damn box but African American (black).

Pass it on, it’s an entertaining game you can play with your friends.

Why do they always creep their way back?

Once upon a time, I met a guy online around New Year’s Eve.

I know, I know. Already risky at best but I took it a step further and actually went out with this guy on what is always considered a very special night. We had a great time, had some laughs (awful kisser at midnight though) and stayed in touch for about a week.

Without getting into all the gory details, let’s just say things didn’t really end that well. And for the life of me I don’t even really remember why we became angry with each other but I do remember the terrible stuff we said. That’s all I can muster really and that, my friends, was quite enough because HE WENT THERE.

Ultimately though, I’m not sure if that matters almost a year later…

And I guess it doesn’t really matter to him because he found me on myspace. I don’t have a personal profile anymore, just one for my photography “biz,” which he didn’t know jack about. Prior to him finding me there, he sent a myspace invite for me to start a profile –you know the emails you get when someone wants you to join some social-networking thing. I thought that was the end of it. Then a week later I get this invite on my photog page to be his friend.

Now this guy isn’t EXACTLY a pro with the ladies. Not like I’m some sort of super expert myself when it comes to the opposite sex. But I get the feeling he hasn’t had so great of a run. Why else would he be hitting me up after everything? And does he REALLY think I will add him (even though I add just about EVERYONE to that site to get my name out there) without an email?? I’m not that stupid — or desperate. Maybe that is what he is thinking.

Anyway, between hearing people complain about marriage, hearing about the latest divorce and not really finding myself attracted to what has been thrown out there in front of me, I’m starting to think that single is the NEW RELATIONSHIP: Being right with yourself first. Make yourself STAND yourself first. Then see what happens.

Well, I’m standing my ground. And more likely than not this guy may not even remember me exactly and just did a random age/location/gender search.

Who knows.