Archive for the ‘risk’ Category

It’s Sunday and I think too much…

I think since the start of this new year I couldn’t help thinking that things were going to change for me. For the better? I had no clue. And I’m still not sure. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs today and there seems to be an underlining thread of being at a crossroads of some kind. An awakening or a major change. Currently, I’m not really sure what mine is but I’ve realized a few things: Acceptance and risk. I’ve mentioned the latter often. The previous, not so much.

I’m not good at acceptance. I’m always waiting for something to happen to change a current situation and hopefully for the better. That doesn’t always happen for me. In fact, I don’t see it happening that often. I’ve been doing too much thinking today, however. Actually, I’ve been doing too much thinking since January. I guess I thought my calling was to leave where I am today and go forth in a new direction. Now I see it more as, “Well, Jenice. You just have to make the best of this life you have today.” Which means stop looking over my shoulder for “something else.”

At some point of your life you have to just accept your life as it is. That doesn’t mean being complacent. It just means making the best of now. And I’ve decided to officially stop searching for “something else” because I need to improve, focus and absorb what is my “now.” I’m not being idealistic because I’m doing all this acceptance sort of reluctantly. It just is a kind of growing up. I’ve said once before that 30 is like a second adolescence.

And here is where the risk comes in. I’ve officially decided I want to be a homeowner. I don’t know how it will all come out but making sure I’ve done the whole acceptance bit was the first step. Because I have to be OK with living in Texas a little while longer. No more visions of New York skylines, the scenary of Alaska or the warmth of California. No matter how much I can’t stand Dallas, I need to just grow up.

MLK’s dream reminds us to take risks

Say what you want about Oprah, but she had the most riveting and beautiful special today to honor Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. It’s so easy to forget that not even close to 100 years ago people banned together to achieve the rights we have today. It’s easy to forget because so many people have taken it for granted or completely spit in the face of the meaning behind “Having a dream…”

One thread of commonality between civil rights stories, especially what O’s special highlighted today, was the necessity of taking a risk. It took so much of that small word to create the enormous impact. Whether it was standing up for the injustice of those times by protest or taking that injustice to the higher powers that be, the risk was there. And it is because those passionate people took those risks that I can type this post today. That I can choose to date whatever race I choose — when I actually have a date!

I’m not going to go into dramatics discussing the power of MLK’s dream. All of us by now obviously know such a man is beyond what can be written or said (or goofed up by Hilary Clinton). I’m only really writing this to remind us all, and maybe myself, that sometimes taking risks is the only way to make a difference. Or in fact the only way to leading the life we may all want or feel we deserve.

Risk is a little four-letter word that doesn’t always mean a bad thing, but a push in the right direction.

Why do they always creep their way back?

Once upon a time, I met a guy online around New Year’s Eve.

I know, I know. Already risky at best but I took it a step further and actually went out with this guy on what is always considered a very special night. We had a great time, had some laughs (awful kisser at midnight though) and stayed in touch for about a week.

Without getting into all the gory details, let’s just say things didn’t really end that well. And for the life of me I don’t even really remember why we became angry with each other but I do remember the terrible stuff we said. That’s all I can muster really and that, my friends, was quite enough because HE WENT THERE.

Ultimately though, I’m not sure if that matters almost a year later…

And I guess it doesn’t really matter to him because he found me on myspace. I don’t have a personal profile anymore, just one for my photography “biz,” which he didn’t know jack about. Prior to him finding me there, he sent a myspace invite for me to start a profile –you know the emails you get when someone wants you to join some social-networking thing. I thought that was the end of it. Then a week later I get this invite on my photog page to be his friend.

Now this guy isn’t EXACTLY a pro with the ladies. Not like I’m some sort of super expert myself when it comes to the opposite sex. But I get the feeling he hasn’t had so great of a run. Why else would he be hitting me up after everything? And does he REALLY think I will add him (even though I add just about EVERYONE to that site to get my name out there) without an email?? I’m not that stupid — or desperate. Maybe that is what he is thinking.

Anyway, between hearing people complain about marriage, hearing about the latest divorce and not really finding myself attracted to what has been thrown out there in front of me, I’m starting to think that single is the NEW RELATIONSHIP: Being right with yourself first. Make yourself STAND yourself first. Then see what happens.

Well, I’m standing my ground. And more likely than not this guy may not even remember me exactly and just did a random age/location/gender search.

Who knows.

when harry met sally…well sort of…

I have a male friend I can never date, though tonight, and any other night we go out, I guess it could be considered “dating.”

Wasn’t there some sort of reference to such a thing in that movie “When Harry Met Sally?” Or was it just that men and women could not be friends because it can lead to sex? Well I can safely say I have a friend of the opposite sex that I want to keep as such. When we first met there was a brief inkling of something more but our ages were truly something I couldn’t see moving past. So now we keep up the friendship and after a divorce, he’s not looking for a serious relationship and is working on the “fun stuff.” Can’t really blame him. He’s a single, red-blooded individual. We are on the same page about a lot of things and isn’t that just one aspect to a real relationship?

I’m only using this as example and of course because it is the most fresh thing on my mind. But the rampent curiousity in me has always wanted to know when do people decide it’s OK to take/risk your friendship to the next level? I’ve done it in the past and look back thinking that maybe it was better not to cross the line. Is it better to risk than to not risk it at all?

In this case, I would never. We laugh too much.

I don’t think I could come to grips with not ever doing that again…