Archive for the ‘relationships’ Category

Resolutions: Pointless yet expected

Last year I posted my resolutions. I even went as far as making a page on here about them. I can pretty much say if sticking to resolutions were a class I probably made a C- or maybe a D? You can read them all here. But I’m going to recap.

1. Never watch Beaches again. Reminds me too much of a friend I miss dearly. (Check. And that friend and I are in the same zip code now.)

2. Stop yelling every time something doesn’t go my way. (I did pretty well with this one…)

3. Here’s the most common of all: Lose a total of 30 pounds by next year. (Well this didn’t happen. But you can read why here. All I have to say is I have an Oprah excuse.)

4. Keep up calorie-counting. (Um yeah…that got old.)

5. Get over the things I can’t change. That’s a big one. (Bombed.)

6. Make myself more available when it comes to sparking new relationships. It’s time I’ve found grown up events and places (i.e. not bars) to frequent to nab me a man…(First part. Yes. Second part…um yea.)

7. MAKE MORE MONEY. (This did happen. And my photography helped a little as well.)

8. Travel. No excuses of money, time or if I can get people to join me.  (My three-month stint at “love” took me to Vegas.)

9. Get my dream lens…at all costs. A new camera won’t hurt either.  (Check and check. But now I have another dream lens I want.)

10. Complain less. That’s a hard one so I have one caveat: Complain less to people in person and get it all out on my blog.  (I did pretty damn good with this one, considering where I had to start. Only I wish that I blogged more.)

So I’m ready to get going on this year’s set of resolutions that I am going to work like hell to actually complete. This is a new year that I have been waiting for all last year. Last year was a real challenge.

Read my 2009 list after the jump…
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Realizations that travel through Gmail

I’m not really a YouTube watcher. When I get a link or hear about the latest YouTube craze, I look. And then of course there are all of the other videos that pop up on the right side of the screen that taunt you to keep clicking. But I got an email from a great friend that had a link that I took a lot of notice of because it hit home.

I am probably behind in the music scene, I’m a classic rock fan anyway, but the link she sent was this Gnarls Barkley video. The song is called “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul?” It’s enough to actually get me to buy the CD. And I don’t really buy CDs. Who does anymore?

Anyway, here it is.

I feel weird that a music video has made me reflect. I hoped you watched it because here is my tirade:

Why does it work this way? I didn’t really give it much thought. But now that I have on this dark Hurricane Ike day, I can think of one guy who ruined my heart and another who walked away with it. That’s at least the simplisitic version. And both happened at least half a decade ago. Since then I think I don’t really look at men the same. Not that I compare anyone I’ve dated to them, but maybe knowing that I have already gone down that route means that once I try to travel it again, I’m already damaged goods. Yep. I said it. Damaged. Most men will say, “Ah! Told you. Women hold a grudge!” But I’m not bitter. I’m just more aware of what is at stake EVERYTIME I decide to date again. I know how temporary it all is and I’ve yet to be proved wrong. Or feel the need to feel bad about it. It just is.

I’ve grown so much since that first real relationsship. And I’m growing even still, even in this past year. What does it all mean in the end? Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s like I said. It just is. Am I supposed to dissect it?

Up the pooper, down the hatch

So the colonoscopy and upper scope are over. They have diagnosed me with hemorrhagic gastritis and reflux esophagitis. They found a polyp in my stomach which is being tested as we speak. And through all this, I didn’t even get ONE CALL from my supposed boyfriend. Doped up on anesthesia, I sent a text:

I had my procedure today. You didn’t even call to see how I was. OK. I get the hint. I’ve let you go. I hope all your dreams come true. I wish you had said goodbye when I asked you to…

I’m still in a dopey fog, and I don’t want to go into that “goodbye” reference. Point is, he didn’t even respond. I was worth THAT much?! After he took me to Vegas, had me meet his family and wanted a committed relationship, I wasn’t even worth the call. What is funny is that everyone else did. Even an old friend I had become kind of estranged with and hadn’t talked to in almost a year. She has been wonderful and checks up on me.

The irony is I would have never got everything checked out like this if I hadn’t got so sick while I was in Vegas. It’s not my fault I haven’t been as fun anymore — I am a shell of my former boozing good time self.

Maybe all this was/is a blessing in disguise. Everything happens for a reason (and other crappy cliches). Or maybe life just sucks.

 

Third date comedy…

For all the yuck in the world (especially life’s wonderful ways to constantly go in the direction you didn’t want), sometimes karma rewards you with something good…(but never without complications).

My latest video of my Eligible Editor series features the guy I’m currently seeing and since it is kind of a silver bullet to a relationship to get into too much detail on a blog, this video is as personal I will get from now on unless something really crazy funny comes up during this interesting courtship. Then that’s another story…

Video: Your lowercase “t” is showing…

Since I’ve been in the doldrums of political madness this week, I’m going to post a slice of funny. Well. I hope it’s funny anyway. Here is a video we shot for work that shows me, the “Eligible Editor” (blah) and her friend getting their handwriting analyzed.

Here’s what I can tell you that wasn’t kid-friendly or good for tape:

1. My “y’s” show that I have a high sex drive. Hum.

2. My “t’s” show that I have a slight self-esteem problem. Really?! I didn’t think I did but maybe that’s just something you don’t really know but just get told to you?

3. Apparently I don’t really have high standards when it comes to men. I don’t know about now but that sure does explain my past flubs!!

Click the pic and enjoy…

http://www.neighborsgo.com/video/618

 

Black women: they don’t want you.

Warning: This is written as stream of consciousness, you find your own clarity. And I’m sure, your own disagreements with me.

Before leaving my home around 10 p.m. last night, I checked the mirror. I didn’t feel that my hair looked it’s best but overall I felt pretty. Makeup was at a minimum. I dabbed on a little scented oil and dashed out the door. The place I was going was unfamiliar to me but I knew what the crowd would be like — artists, poets, talented people who probably have boring day jobs.

Upon reaching my destination, I felt very alone already. The street was quiet. Just a couple walked passed me, hand in hand. Surveying the street before entering, I walked into a quaint bistro — pretty much ready for a glass of wine, beer, some grub. Before deciding on something ridiculously priced, I realized I was right. Artist types. A few wearing those Hunter S. Thompson  stances, a few looking over their notes before approaching the mic, several looking authentic in afros, dreadlocks — no one really taking notice of me but that was fine. A cute couple approached in line after I placed my order. He full of dreads and a nice, dark physic; she with alabaster skin and flowing brown hair. Nice-looking pair I thought and I took my seat.

Then I noticed something. Every black female, including myself, was either alone or with a group of other black females who were alone. For all I know, they had men at home but part of me, cynical me, doubted it. I looked around. Including the couple mention previously, there were two more black male/white female pairings. That usually doesn’t bother me…

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He’s back in your life…now what?

I have been recently contacted by a guy I was seeing. We didn’t end on bad terms, exactly. He just had a lot going on and dropped out of view while I just figured he was a jerk or something (even though he was always a nice guy.) However he has since asked for another shot. Now I’m one to can forgive. But after you have burned me twice, I’ve moved on. Well. I’m giving things another shot. Shot number 2. However I’m very gun-shy about it. How do you let yourself get involved again without all the fear? Do you trust it?

In this case, he said all the right things. Said he made a mistake. Said he wanted another chance and promised no strings attached while he tries to gain my trust I guess. The way my life is right now, I’ve really been focusing on me. But maybe I shouldn’t let that get in the way? I’m such a skeptic. And I don’t expect romance anymore. I just want something stable but at the same time I have finally accepted single life so if it doesn’t work out, going back to the usual won’t be a shock. Many of you, in a round about way, have stated that whole “life is too short” thing in some of my other posts. It is. While it is short, I don’t want a roller-coaster–but I guess that bumpy ride can be fun. Hum. As I twiddle my thumbs, he’s calling shortly. As I twiddle my thumbs I wonder when will I be comfortable with dating again…If I ever really was.