Archive for the ‘regrets’ Category

What happened to blogging?: Part II

I admire folks like Laurie Kendrick…and Mike over at Aye Wonder.

Keeping up a blog isn’t easy. I think I just created too many and got overwhelmed. Then I guess I just forgot about them. I don’t think it was an overnight thing…just slowly but surely I just stopped.

I’m never at a loss for words. But I’m finding it odd that something I went after for about three years could just stop being a part of my weekly process. Somewhere in there work got in the way I’m sure, but it doesn’t take a lot to post something here, does it?

I look at the blog I used to have here and it makes me a little teary. I met so many interesting people. I laughed, sympathized, made a few friends, cried…became inspired. Now I’m left wondering whether or not to close this one up and start anew. Although since I have dropped off on writing, I don’t think I have many readers left anyway.

I’m thinking about Tumblr and Posterous. Maybe those are more my speed for now. In that span of three  years I’ve gone through illness, job descriptions changes and spiritual awakenings. A lot of which I’ve shared here. I don’t really know now where I’m headed, with this blog or in general. But 2010 has me inspired again and I want to continue writing. One place or another…

When life is too short…

I woke up this morning to yet another dream about a person who is no longer in my life. I tend to have the most bizarre and telling dreams but I never know what to do with them. In this particular instance, each time this person appears in my dreams, she is filled with mind-numbing illness and doesn’t really speak to me. She just sends these subtle cues I still don’t understand.

In reality, we are no longer friends. My habit here of blogging ended our friendship. Thing is I’m just someone who thinks with emotions. Whether or not that is a good thing, it has always has been a fault/trait/whatever part of me  and for the most part, I don’t really mean to hurt a soul unless they have hurt me. In this case I hurt someone unwillingly, unknowingly and in fact stupidly innocent in a comment to someone else’s blog…

Fastforward to now and I can tell you I recently received an email at work (of all places) from a person to my knowledge she no longer wants to have a thing to do with. He tracked down my work email and I didn’t appreciate that. I also didn’t appreciate that it was to ask me about what had happened to her. Why she wasn’t responsive…

He stated that he had received an email from her husband to leave her alone and that she had been in the hospital. It troubled me. She is often not well. And I didn’t know she had become that ill. I let him know that no longer having the friendship was painful enough, but to actually email me and tell me she had been in the hospital was even more tough. I told him I don’t have his answers of course and it wasn’t even my place to tell him if I even had them. The nerve of this man. I told him to never contact me again. And I told him to do the same of her. To leave her alone. In peace.

No matter what hurtful words said and mostly written between us, I will never stop caring what happens to the friend I have lost even if I’ll never really know what is happening in her life. I can only hope she will be well.

I’ll never really understand. And it’s no longer for me to know.

To live a life without regret is brave. I could sit here like many people I’ve heard time and time again and say I don’t regret a thing. I’m not that brave. I know there are things in my life that I would change. But the key is to let it go if you can’t change them.

It’s strange how the holidays make us all so sentimental. I just keep thinking how short life is…