Archive for the ‘reevaluating’ Category

Realizations that travel through Gmail

I’m not really a YouTube watcher. When I get a link or hear about the latest YouTube craze, I look. And then of course there are all of the other videos that pop up on the right side of the screen that taunt you to keep clicking. But I got an email from a great friend that had a link that I took a lot of notice of because it hit home.

I am probably behind in the music scene, I’m a classic rock fan anyway, but the link she sent was this Gnarls Barkley video. The song is called “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul?” It’s enough to actually get me to buy the CD. And I don’t really buy CDs. Who does anymore?

Anyway, here it is.

I feel weird that a music video has made me reflect. I hoped you watched it because here is my tirade:

Why does it work this way? I didn’t really give it much thought. But now that I have on this dark Hurricane Ike day, I can think of one guy who ruined my heart and another who walked away with it. That’s at least the simplisitic version. And both happened at least half a decade ago. Since then I think I don’t really look at men the same. Not that I compare anyone I’ve dated to them, but maybe knowing that I have already gone down that route means that once I try to travel it again, I’m already damaged goods. Yep. I said it. Damaged. Most men will say, “Ah! Told you. Women hold a grudge!” But I’m not bitter. I’m just more aware of what is at stake EVERYTIME I decide to date again. I know how temporary it all is and I’ve yet to be proved wrong. Or feel the need to feel bad about it. It just is.

I’ve grown so much since that first real relationsship. And I’m growing even still, even in this past year. What does it all mean in the end? Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s like I said. It just is. Am I supposed to dissect it?

Black women and white men…

I gotta tell you; I’ve not had any slowing down of my old post about interracial dating. It still gets a fair amount of hits. This isn’t a call for all of you jokesters to start finding more weird search engine terms to get to this blog and then for me to write about them.  But for some reason I get on a daily basis at least a dozen search engine terms looking for a variety of topics surrounding black women and white men dating. And lately Jewish men dating black women. WTF? Is this really THAT taboo still? I’ve dated the rainbow, as I’ve told you before, and I just never really saw dating a white man a big deal. Does the rest of society?

I will be honest though. I’m thinking the resurgence of this topic is because of the opposite happening: black men and white women. I’m not going to do some census search on this but I’m just thinking about my every day life in Texas. I see an increasing number of black men and white women coupled up. I don’t have a problem with this but I can only imagine that the two left are looking at each other, shrugging and saying, “Well, why don’t we?”

That said though, there is still so much hesitation. Believe me. White men dating black women isn’t very common here. Not sure about your area of the world. I really dig shows like “Private Practice” that treat interracial connections as something that isn’t a matter of discussion. The main discussion on that show is that the lead black female character has to choose between two men — a black one she was married to and a white one who loves her so much that is the only reason he works in the office. Race isn’t an issue. I can’t stand shows that make that the MAIN issue. The tired old story of “what will my parents think?” Aren’t we over this yet? I just don’t get it.

So for those of you searching to see if this is some “strange” concept, stop. Just go with it. Ask that black chick out. Ask that white dude out. Enjoy Hanukkah with that chocolate hottie…

WTF are you waiting for?

Hi, my name is J. and I’m a serial renter…

Is it a disease?

I’ve been renting apartments for nearly ten years now. When does it stop? Geez, my credit isn’t anywhere near the problem I’ve recently discovered. The problem is that I can’t commit. However I don’t think that is the case everywhere in my life. I commit to my work, my drive and my goals. But I just can’t take hold of the idea of settling into a permanent home. I end up saying stuff like, “What if I one day land a job in New York?” Or, “What if I get ballsy enough to drop everything and take up residence in London?” Silly thoughts, actually.

For me the result of serial renting has amounted to collecting and then evaluating. I’ve got crap for just about every room of a real home — all crammed into a measly multi-family establishment. By the time I’ve jumped on to the next place I sit around evaluating what to throw out again. That’s most of the battle. Stuff I got from people I don’t even talk to anymore are the first things I want to get rid of but then I get all sentimental and say maybe I should keep it. Then end up deciding against it because it’s super sad to hold on to things. Constant moving seems to be an exercise of therapy, that’s for sure.

And in fact my serial renting may have something to be said for my idea of relationships. I think I’ve always liked the idea of a relationship but when it comes down to it, I don’t think I could commit fully. I don’t mean cheating. I mean making sacrifices. Married people always say that stuff about marriage being a sacrifice. Fact remains, I like concentrating on just me. Is this vicious, vain circle?

The pros of both settling into a home and settling into a relationship are there. Having a home means no longer having to constantly move. Being your own boss of where you dwell. Having a completely committed relationship means your compromises can bring you closer to your mate.

Both have cons as well, however. Having a home means when there is something broken in the home, you have to hire someone to fix it. Having a completely committed relationship means when something is broken, it’s completely up to you to fix it. Then hire someone if you can’t!

Ok. I’ve confessed. Where are the refreshments? I was told I would get coffee and cookies at this meeting.