Archive for the ‘narcissism’ Category

Day 30: Spit it out if it ain’t great

I was going to write this as Day 29 but I looked at the time and realized it’s technically Day 30. Day friggin’ 30! Almost a month of this countdown. I’ve decided that come November I will be starting another page. It will have to be a creation of sheer motivation being that November is the beginning of cornbread stuffing.

Day 28 I spent much of my day walking the lake by my apartment. I was in search of an event for Dia de Los Muertos. I’ll have pictures posted soon so you can see my justification for not officially hitting the gym. And alas Day 29 can only give more excuses of deadline and working on my new blog. In addition, come Day 31 I will be getting into Halloween mischief. Later today is about my only shot until Thursday, Day 32. though I’m really behind on reading everyone’s blogs.

I’ve been eating fairly healthy — chicken breast, salads, soups but…*sighs* I did have Halloween treats last weekend. Two rice crispy treats and two chocolate chip cookies….FOR SHAME! The hostess of the party that night gave me a doggie bag of treats which I threw out yesterday. I decided if the goodies aren’t stellar, they aren’t worth my calories. Seems obvious enough but you know damn well we all still nibble foods we are indifferent about which is super counter productive.

Well, checking the scale again it seemed I lost two more pounds…but I’m not getting excited. Water retention is my worst enemy…

Day 25: Not ready for the before and after shot

I’ve been thinking about how I “forgot” to shoot a BEFORE photo. Sure the one I have on my countdown page was supposed to suffice but the helmet, fishnets, knee pads and skates are distracting. Then I thought am I even ready for the BEFORE photo…?

Thing is I’m usually the one behind the camera and I’m really picky about who takes my photo. I always hate it. The other problem is that I’ve lost inches, so the BEFORE photo wouldn’t be accurate. Maybe it should be an AFTER THE MISSING BEFORE PHOTO photo.  However my inches lost are probably not even significant enough to be detected…And did I mention I’m a photographer without a tripod?

Anyway, I haven’t worked out since Day 21 but I’ve managed to lose a whopping two pounds and like I said, a (very) few inches. I blame stress, fluctuating water weight and general malaise for the extremely minor accomplishment. I have until January 27 to get this right. I’ll settle for my old fighting weight — pre-college graduation. I will be heading to the gym tonight after this post…even though this day ended pretty much with a work-related phone call that lasted two hours during dinner.

I can say that I’ve not had a single Sonic slush or burger in two weeks. I’ve been immersed in salads, stews,  and protein. I’ve limited severe indulges to one or twice a week — i.e. Tuaca Lemondrop Martinis and the like. But I’ve let Hefeweizen, organic flatbread and pasta slip in. I’m starting to think the triple threat holiday season is about the silliest time to get hot.

And for now, here is my best BEFORE:

fooled-ya-again.jpg

Photo by Hal Samples. It was taken last month. And yes. I know. Not really a full-length photo…

Day 16: Suck my kiss and tummy rubs

So it’s Day 16 and I almost didn’t hit the gym being that I had work and errands to run. By the time I got there it was nearly 11 p.m. — which assured me I would be the only one there.  I climbed up on the balcony to reach the stereo planted up high in the wall (don’t know why they feel like only short people steal) and I placed my Blood Sugar Sex Magik into the player. Then after a little stretching, I got on the machine of hell PRECOR elliptical monster and got pumping. I picked the hardest level of course because as you know from Day 15, I was overcompensating. By the time I’m at the highest hill, Anthony Kiedis is screaming “suck my kiss!” and I’m clasping my hands as if to pray  (something I rarely do anyway) because damn this is starting to hurt.

Then some guy walks in — right at the crescendo of Flea’s guitar. Because I’m a polite gym bitch, and my being nice may shock you, I tell the guy he can turn it off. He insists I was there first so it was up to me. Of course I tell him it’s OK even though the only thing keeping me on that friggin’ machine was that CD — well that and the fact that I saw my back this morning and realized I don’t need that much spine coverage. The redeeming part of this tale is the guy was at least decent looking. He decided to search out a show on the television but I don’t think I heard him ask me what I would prefer to watch. I figured since I was so damn nice, if he landed on something I hated, I would tell him. He decided on Dirty Jobs, which pleased me.

So the guy gets to stretching and I see he is taking off his cap and I realize the view is looking better. Then once on the rowing machine he takes off his shirt and gets going. Yes, my last five hills were a bit more pleasant somehow even though I was trying not to look — which I managed to accomplish because my hair kept getting in my face and you would never know the corner of my eye was gawking a tad bit. Then an older guy walks in and the two of them seem to know each other. This one is in shorts and pretty fit for whatever age I  figure he was and I became intimidated by his speed on the treadmill. By that time I was really ready to go — too much testosterone.

When I got into the apartment, I finished up on my crunches. Tiger Lily decided to find her way to my stomach to hang out. Maybe to help because she kept kneading my tummy. As if she could push my gut down. But I think even Lily knew that was a tough feat and slowly she walked away to the window instead. Yet another mixed emotion countdown day, but I feel the progress coming on. I’m going to have to really give it everything because alas, Thursday is one last day at the State Fair.

Days 10-12: Winning/Losing the Good Fight

OK. This will not be an entry of excuses. I repeat this will not be an entry of excuses and I write this again and again Bart Simpson style on my mental chalkboard. But alas I didn’t work out. I haven’t since Day 8 technically but I think Day 9 counted since I walked the whole damn fair for most of my day. The guilt is creeping in — I should have really pushed harder this week. And even though I have DVR now (which seems like I was the last to get it), the Thursday lineup just makes me want to sit on the couch and sip my sake…

Good news is that I’m dropping a few inches. But mostly in my feet. I have a pair of fierce heels that were slipping off of me on Day 10. I remember specifically that they used to be tight as hell. This time around I had to be careful not to fall over from them sliding all around. Also I looked in the mirror this morning and seemed less disgusted at myself. Ah. Progress.

Well, today is a day of pampering. I’m getting my hair done. And possibly nails. Because really, this countdown is about improvement and what’s improvement without a little pampering, right?

It was Day 4 and damn I’m sore

I haven’t been this sore since the last time I got laid. And I won’t be telling anyone when that was.

Day 3 wore me out so Day 4 consisted of me saying ouch every time I moved. Ah. So nice to be working those sad muscles back in. But I know when to take it easy. Here’s to Day 5. And knowing a Friday, drinks may follow or precede the elliptical machine.

How counter productive to the fat/calorie-burning mission…unless I refresh myself on the last time I was this sore!

Bet you thought I didn’t make it to Day 3

I managed to head out to the gym late last night. I think it was fated because while on my way there, I saved a little doggie from running away from home and met my neighbors at the same time.

But I did mess up on lunch. Oh well. I sweat like a pig. Has to count for something. Ya know how I was going on and on about that gym being so cool before? Well the damn dry sauna doesn’t work. Lost points for that.

Jotting all this down kind of helps me out. Any skinny bitches out there want to lend some advice?! Aw. I don’t REALLY mean bitches.

Suicide Note: Humor escaped me

I got tagged for an interesting meme.

Oddly I really wanted my suicide to sound witty but all I could muster was kind of a an empowered downer. And ironically being naturally long-winded, my death tale is short and bitter.

Hope it’s inspirational! Thanks Bagel.

Hope is for suckers…

My slow descent into hell wasn’t a silent one.
I know I was kicking and screaming as I went down.
I ranted.
I satisfied and entertained narcissistic behavior.
All the while I fell into the void of disbelief as I looked at the pathetic and dead world around me.
Not always the best daughter. Not always the best friend.
And my mediocre shell, though seemingly full of every bit of confidence I emitted, still wrestled with pushing the over-achievement I craved — was never patient for — and it all never being enough.
Is it ever enough?
And as you read this, whoever you may be, know that I hardly brushed the surface of all the answers I sought while schlepping this earth.

Death by tainted tuna

Day two: Satan lives at Sonic

So as you can read here I’m tracking my progress (or lack there of) as I stumble down the road to a “Hotter 30.” Well today was a dud.

This is where Satan dwells.Decent breakfast. But no time for lunch what with management training, a lengthy conference call, concerns of a recent company split (don’t ask but if you follow media news, you may already know) and more work stuff after an hour conversation with my boss. Managed to grab Boston Market for dinner though, so not too terrible. But I succumbed to the sweet lull of the Sonic apple-cherry slush. At least it wasn’t a large…and hey, there’s vitamin C! Yea. Right. I believe Satan took my order.

As you guessed it. No apartment gym. Instead got home around 10-ish, grabbed a beer and started checking work email. But the good news is I’m pretty sore from yesterday’s workout  so I’m still attempting to keep up the motivation. Here’s to tomorrow. Already slacking. Damn you Satan.

I won’t be turning in my “black card.”

I didn’t write about the Jena 6.

In all honesty I just didn’t and don’t know exactly how I feel about it. No need to rehash the details because by now, unless you live under a rock, you know the story the media has given and CAN give us. I’m a journalist but I can agree that everything seemed to really escalate with all the coverage. That said, reporters just do their jobs. It’s a hot topic and if your media outlet isn’t covering it, there went their ratings. 

Let me just get some things straight though — I don’t think the original charges fit the crime, which have since been reduced. I feel that such charges were too harsh for clobbering a guy who ended up at a school function later that day. But if that doesn’t convince you, think of the possible scenario if the charges had stuck. Young men in jail for 20 years is asking for trouble. Not only for the families but our communities. When a guy sits in the hole for 20 years at an early age, many times they aren’t thinking about reforming while there and even if they do reform, a lot of times they come out bitter, angry, confused and have a horrible time finding work. Then they become a problem financially for all of us when they can’t get a job because of their record. 

But I also know racism still exists. I write about it here quite a bit because sadly the topic keeps coming up. And I know those three nooses hanging from that tree were more than just freedom of speech. They hung there as a message of hatred and ignorance. However violence only feeds the ignorance and beating up that white kid was the worse thing those boys allegedly did.

I still will not hang my hat on what I’ve been told happened but the end result doesn’t change: Someone got severely injured at the hands of sheer violence and that’s  a crime. These are all reasons why I didn’t write about this topic. It was one time out of a few that shooting from the hip gave me pause. Because to most people who support The Jena 6, I might as well turn in my “black card.”

But here is something interesting. Now we are being told that one of the 6 allegedly had myspace pics up with him brandishing money. The opposing side is surely going to use them for their case and there is even a Neo-Nazi site (I’m not posting that link obviously) who has them up. The myspace has since been deleted.

There is speculation that the money came from donations to support legal fees for the 6. But I’m not going to assume anything. You be the judge and we will all wait to find out the truth eventually. But you know young teen boys. Teenagers are real do now, suffer the consequences later types (you know that if you’ve got young ones at home) and all this publicity has just GOT to have those kids feeling kind of invincible. I mean wouldn’t you?? If people from all of the country along with Mr. Al Sharpton came to march just for you?And if the news has been talking about you for weeks. There are Jena 6 shirts, Web sites, petitions — wouldn’t you feel pretty puffed up by all the attention if you were a teenager?

Bottom line: I won’t turn in my “black card” for my above statements. Just because I’m black, DOES NOT mean I will fall in line.

Religion, humor and Ms. Griffin

I’m keeping this a light weekend. My brain just can’t function while enduring this hellish move that by now I’m sure you are tired of hearing about. No worries because I’m about to be done by next week.

But I just have to give a big So What? to the fact that Kathy Griffin told Jesus to suck it. Read and hear the audio here at LAist. You will need to hear it there because you won’t hear it this weekend when the Emmy’s award show will be broadcasted on E! thanks to the god of censorship. It’s about time that bitch won something. Ms. Griffin is a Kathy at last year’s Emmy’shard-working, loud-mouth mess of hilarity in my book. And I just can’t understand why people can’t just get the joke in that speech. Now the Catholics are after her and she was raised Catholic with roots set in Irish pride. I trust she really doesn’t want Jesus to suck eggs.

I’m a person who HATES the whole “I would like to thank God” speech. It always seems so insincere. I think some “religious” people feel obligated to say it, even if they really don’t mean it. What they really mean to say is, “I would really like to thank myself for landing this role and kicking so much ass to get here, but I can’t say that because I have to thank God, Jesus then my mum.” I’m not saying NOT to thank God but I bet whoever is upstairs can sniff the bullshit from the people who claim to put God first. I’m going to get murdered for that last statement but I don’t think that you can disagree that there are phonies out there who don’t really walk their talk. Hence her dig at the supidity of people who insincerely thank God and use it so lightly.

I admire Griffin for her ballsy approach and her purposeful gaudiness. It got her far enough in life. Even on the “D” list.

I would like to thank cleaning fumes, morning cartoons, insomnia and dissillusion for this post. Thank you.