Archive for the ‘love’ Category

Realizations that travel through Gmail

I’m not really a YouTube watcher. When I get a link or hear about the latest YouTube craze, I look. And then of course there are all of the other videos that pop up on the right side of the screen that taunt you to keep clicking. But I got an email from a great friend that had a link that I took a lot of notice of because it hit home.

I am probably behind in the music scene, I’m a classic rock fan anyway, but the link she sent was this Gnarls Barkley video. The song is called “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul?” It’s enough to actually get me to buy the CD. And I don’t really buy CDs. Who does anymore?

Anyway, here it is.

I feel weird that a music video has made me reflect. I hoped you watched it because here is my tirade:

Why does it work this way? I didn’t really give it much thought. But now that I have on this dark Hurricane Ike day, I can think of one guy who ruined my heart and another who walked away with it. That’s at least the simplisitic version. And both happened at least half a decade ago. Since then I think I don’t really look at men the same. Not that I compare anyone I’ve dated to them, but maybe knowing that I have already gone down that route means that once I try to travel it again, I’m already damaged goods. Yep. I said it. Damaged. Most men will say, “Ah! Told you. Women hold a grudge!” But I’m not bitter. I’m just more aware of what is at stake EVERYTIME I decide to date again. I know how temporary it all is and I’ve yet to be proved wrong. Or feel the need to feel bad about it. It just is.

I’ve grown so much since that first real relationsship. And I’m growing even still, even in this past year. What does it all mean in the end? Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s like I said. It just is. Am I supposed to dissect it?

Should we follow advice columns?

I’m going to post what I’ve been posting over at my work blog. I’m really confused by these steps written by Quick writer Bridgette Williams. Am I just daft or are these really the best steps toward learning to love yourself and in turn land a guy? I want your opinions so you tell me.

Read them in their entirely here:

http://www.o8sis.com/sharedcontent/dws/o8s.is/bwilliams/stories/o8sis080131_ph_hookup.7882c02f.html 

and here: http://www.o8sis.com/sharedcontent/dws/o8sis/bwilliams/stories/o8sis08010207_ph_hookup.9cb767ae.html

But what I’m having issues with is her steps 6 thorough 8. It’s a walking contradiction.

6. Realize, reconcile, repeat. Let me explain. I’ve got a friend who engages in flirtatious banter with a bevy of boys – some she actually likes, some she doesn’t.

This creeps me out because I don’t understand why you would flirt with someone whom you have no interest in. That’s just mean. But I can reconcile it with the fact that you have to start somewhere, and flirting is as good a starting point as any.

7. Recruit a romantic role model. While my friend’s tactics are different than mine, I consider her a romantic role model. Find someone who navigates the dating world as a man magnet and find ways to emulate her.

8. Understand your love perspective. I was raised by guys. So it’s highly likely that I will have a guy’s point of view on most issues, like the whole flirting for flirting’s sake thing. My point is, if you know you don’t like the color, why are you trying on the dress?

So here is where I’m lost. I thought that if I had the flirty friend I am supposed to follow her lead but she just said not to flirt for flirting’s sake. I’m bringing all this up because as you go on your journey trying to figure out what is wrong with you or find out what to do with yourself by reading these advice columns, start dissecting.

I know we are all seeking for knowledge. Obviously because we are bloggers. And bloggers read other bloggers to get advice. Sometimes it’s good and other times…One thing I do agree with is the idea of loving yourself. But shouldn’t you figure out on your own how to do that. Can someone really tell you how to love you?

I’ve turned my back on my lover…

I’m coming clean. I am confessing right here and now that I’ve been having a whirlwind love affair. Shame on me for keeping this from you, faithful readers. Not only is this love warm, but tall, dark and Italian comes to mind. I’m not the same person when I’m in the throws of such a presence. I forget who I am. What I’ve said. What I’ve done…

However, after last Sunday during a pathetic run of football playoff games, I made the decision to dump the love of my life. It hurt as first. The passion still lingers and at night, when I’m out with friends, I crave it once again. Not giving into such temptation, I’ve yet to slip up.  I haven’t had any contact with said culprit of stealing my heart. But it has only been less than one week

It pains me but I will leave you with this. If you have seen my love, make sure to say hello for me and that I miss those sweet caresses. Here. I’ve given you a photo so you can identify the love I speak of…
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I’m not gonna be famous, but I can dream…

The 50 primeSo this weekend is yet another moment of truth. The reception for my first solo photography show. I can only hope everyone will buy up everything to justify my purchases today at a designer sample sale. I should not be left alone with certain jewelry. Anywho, I’m no David LaChapelle at the moment but I’ve already sold a piece and the pictures have only been up since Monday. And I’ve sold others in a previous shared exhibit. Maybe I’m not so bad. You can be the judge. Bagel of Everything over at Ration Reality was so very kind enough to give me a plug under their NEWS section. Thanks lady.

The next goal is getting my dream macro lens and snap better shots. People go on and on about the “eye” being more important than the equipment but let’s get real. You may have a wonderful eye but limited equipment that can’t produce what the eye wants to capture. Currently my main lens is this 50 prime you see before you. However it was taken by my “dream” lens: the Nikon 105mm f/2.8 with VR. All that mumbo jumbo basically means kick ass but there’s lots better out there however over $700 is more than enough of a start. At least that is the translation I’m sticking with. If you look at the reviews of the product, there is one complainer but he’s not using it right. This baby isn’t a portrait lens (my prime is) and that is why I want it. It produces AMAZING macro shots. Sorry, I’m babbling again while drooling over glass.

Wish me luck tomorrow. And feel free to buy stuff from my site if you want Christmas gifts that didn’t come from Target. I’m excited and very anxious about the reception. I’ve saved all my calories for the wine I’m drinking tonight for the nerves. My next post shall discuss the cruelty of counting calories, however two more pounds lost so far…

Day 9: I love my job today…

Where else can you spend a work day at the fair and not get in trouble? We did work. But come on. What fun! We interviewed little kids, some crazy carnies and ate like fiends (I only had a lemon chill and 1/4 of a turkey leg before any of you “virtual” trainers ask!) There aren’t so many rare moments when everything comes together at once and you have absolutely nothing bad to say about your full-time gig. Today was one of them. Tomorrow? Eh. Well, now I’m going to be nosey. I want to know what you do and what is great about it. Would you like to work somewhere else?

I really would like to know but obviously this is a distraction from the meat of the issue. I’m not hitting the gym. My footsies are killing me from walking the fair–we were there from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the horrible, full Texas sun!? We sat for all of 10 minutes the whole time. I’m going to say something I have been repeating for the last few days: It has to count for something! And I didn’t eat one fried thing. I even got Big Tex to do a plug for our company! I worked. Cut me some slack…(tee hee) Or maybe I just needed to tell myself that.

Jimi already died once…

Hey I’m all for art. All kinds of it. And this guy is talented I guess. And I suppose this is kinda cool? But my heart already bleeds on a daily basis knowing the best thing that ever happened or ever will happen to music is dead dead dead. And I don’t really want to see him go up in flames! Some of you will probably think this is a great clip. But maybe some of you may think, as do I, that it’s sacrilege!!! Ah Jimi. Many many many moons ago I could have shown you the way to a good high without you having to overdose.

The married man

Not too long ago I had a business lunch with someone I could tell right away as “my type.” I’m not one to really have a laundry list of things that make up a type for me because what I find attractive varies — and varies often. But then there are times like this one in particular…

First off, a great smile. Intelligence and humor. Great taste. Conversation. All of this I notice five minutes into the meeting. The first thing I do when many of these things come up as I encounter the opposite sex — in any situation — is I immediately, very slyly glance to see if he’s packin.’ But when I say packin’ I don’t mean anything other than if he’s got a ring! And more likely than not, he usually does. And so did this guy. I’m not about to preach on the whole “all the good ones are taken” thing. I think there are all kinds of great singles out there. I just don’t encounter them in my day to day. But who I do encounter are married men.

If you asked me who my “ideal” man was, I could probably give you a list if you really wanted it. However, I would have a hard time because like I said, it can vary and because I’m such an almost A.D.D. type of person I may tell you honesty is the most important thing and then if you asked me again I would say a sense of humor. In past cyber surfing attempts trying to find a match, I used the blanket script of honesty as my main focus. And somewhere in there I say something about being able to “keep up with me” or some other bullshit kind of entry. What doesn’t help, and this isn’t me coming close to bragging, is that when there seems to be a connection with someone, (not in my recent case) the guy quickly says some variation of this, “If I wasn’t married…” I never take this as an advance for a possible affair. I can’t stand the idea as you may have read in this rant. And many moons ago when I was a hostess in a semi-upscale and “trendy” restaurant, I was more or less propositioned to be a mistress which I took much offense to. Still there is the rub.Between attracting and being attracted to married men, my single life is kind of blah. I mean I am not going into the whole woe is me.

But just picture this scenario: You know how if you go to a party or a barbecue and you reach for a cold beverage from a very filled to the brim cooler packed with ice? However you can’t exactly see what you want because all of the drinks are buried in the ice. So you reach blindly, plummeting your arm into the cold, ice-water mess but all you keep picking out are the drinks you don’t want. Even though you know the drinks you truly want are somewhere below all the ones you keep getting a frozen arm over in the meantime. OK, that may or may not have made sense? Anyway, maybe this is why people cheat? Are many people in marriages they shouldn’t be in, all the while the “right” person for them is sitting at home alone? I know there are plenty of happily married people. But if it were that simple, the divorce rate wouldn’t be a common topic or defense for unwed folks.

Are you afraid to date a black chick?

There is a wildly popular blog on blogger called White Men for Black Women. Check it out and read a little of it. Maybe it’s just me, but a blog like that is very new to me. Very interesting. Basically it is a white guy discussing the barriers people put up when it comes to interracial dating as well as highlighting why he prefers black women. There is also some other political stuff sprinkled in and “success stories.”

Though I’ve started following this blog, and even added it to my blogroll, I’m still not really sure how I feel about it. Do we REALLY need a movement? I have no qualms saying I love white men. However I love ALL men when they are on my good side! So I don’t really care the race — just need the initial attraction, physical or not.

I really dig the guy going all out in this blog of his but like I said, I’m still not sure how I feel about it. What I do like is how he opens things up for discussion. He did a little survey on how white men reacted to the idea of dating a black woman. The most common response seemed overwhelmingly positive about the idea of dating a black woman however there was a DEFINITE stereotype problem. Most of which concluded that black women don’t like white men because they think they are “geeks,” wouldn’t like a guy who liked opera, and other grand generalizations. Is this where we are in 2007?? Sad.

Other things said were basically that overall, society still isn’t comfortable with interracial dating. I say that isn’t entirely true. Black men date white women with ease every day. What society seems MORE uncomfortable with is white men with black women. Why is that? Humor me because I’m speaking from experience. I know my time dating white men “pales” in comparison to the black men I know now who date white women because my experiences were somewhat more negative. The normal disapproving looks, relatives saying I didn’t need the hassle from society…and family members on the guy’s side that didn’t approve. Why is that? Why is society so afraid of a black woman? I’ve heard it all, even here actually. One thing that was said is that black women are too strong-headed. I’ve met a woman in just about every race that fits that bill quite nicely. People say black women have attitude or are mean. I don’t know about mean, but I think women as a whole should have SOME attitude somewhere in their girdle. This isn’t the age of shrinking violets. Women are stronger than ever. Breaking barriers, climbing the corporate ladder, holding office, raising movements. Aren’t ALL women then supposed to be considered strong.

What I can say about the White Men for Black Women blog is that it’s out in the open, honest, not afraid to say what’s what. I like that. But I still think we as people should be at a point now in nearly 2008 where blogs like that don’t have to be created to gain support of an “interracial movement.”

Glass envy — like penis envy but costs more

For those who may not know, another word for lens gear for your camera is glass. Recently I have had a real jones for some new hot glass.

I think as like any photographer, I am always wanting more gear — especially when I stand next to another photographer from a newspaper or even hobbiests and his/her glass is bigger and better than mine. That long, black cylinder of pictorial goodness just hanging there around their necks — mocking me as I stand with my little 50 mm prime! (A good lens to have by the way — no matter what.) Even when I snap on the 200 mm, I stand next to the guy who has a great macro (or micro)  and I’m salivating. I just want to touch it. Hold it. Snap it on…

I’ve been having all kinds of daydreams about the Micro-Nikkor AF-S 105mm f/2.8G IF-ED VR. I’ve even played with it once and fell in love. I could tell, it loved me too. We had a moment.

What really stinks is how much this love costs. A great, spectacular lens can be well into the thousands. Geez, the Nikkor I mentioned earlier is even the cheaper of many better lenses.

In my favorite photog forum I like to travel to, they at least admit it isn’t all your “eye” when it comes to the nice money shots. Sure you have to know the basics of composition, what will be an awesome pic and some kind of artistic edge. But really, all of that can just be soooo much better with the right piece o’ glass.

Is marriage a rite of passage?

With all this recent talk in my blog about marriage, I just have to wonder something about the rites of passage we encounter.

There are all these small and momentous moments in our lives. The small ones are simple enough: Tying your shoes for the first time, making your own lunch for school, walking to the bus stop by yourself. But the large ones like your first kiss, losing your virginity, high school graduation, first job (maybe not in that order of course!) can place their mark on you for the rest of your life.

Your rite of passage into adulthood is clearly defined by these things. There are so many more too like finally achieving independence, going to college, children — whatever is a milestone in your life isn’t necessarily the same for everyone. But is marriage one of the required rites?

Many say that marriage comes before children so it is a necessary thing. But you don’t have to be married to have children while many say the two should go hand and hand. I’ve never really had a desire to have children and at one point of my life marriage wasn’t something I wanted either. But as things truck along and years pass, marriage has been on my “to do” list of things. I know it kind of sounds clinical and impersonal that way — thinking of it as a check off on a master list, but I guess that is how I see it. There-in lies the problem?

I finished college, landed my first real career. What’s next? Of course always improving or looking to move up or progressing in what I am accomplishing should be enough on my plate. Sometimes it isn’t — much to my chagrin. Marriage isn’t anywhere near my radar. Is marriage something EVERYONE should reach for at some point in their lives? Just as with all those other milestones, is marriage a rite of passage or just another option?

There is a list of famous, great people who never married. I can think of a few spectacular writers and activists alone — Jane Austen (who has been referred to as a spinster) and Susan B. Anthony (where in one text says, “… she had time, freedom and ability to travel.” Not so bad.) But did they really miss out? What if you never reach for the supposed finality of tying the knot? Are you a lesser person for it? To say less is a bit dramatic of course but what about all those references to spinsters not too long ago (and sometimes used today). Why is an unmarried man a bachelor and an unmarried woman an ugly-sounding name like “spinster…”? Sounds like sinister. 🙂

Actually spinster used to be used on applications and documents in place of the word  “single.” Centuries ago women who remained unmarried were looked down upon. Some even considered witches!! And just in the past few decades such as in the 1950s, this idea never really went away. It was just a tad less menacing! I am not blind enough to believe this sort of thinking and overall perception doesn’t exist today.

I remember in middle school that the fact that I never dated ( I wasn’t even allowed to until I was 16) prompted someone to say I was a lesbian. And it was said as an insult, of course. I could have cared less about the accusation but what enraged me was society’s idea that everyone, even at that tender age, should always be partnered and if you weren’t, something was wrong with you. And today that translates to people starting to suggest seeking out a spouse on eHarmony or Match.com.

Of course I realize that the whole world isn’t always persecuting the perpetual single person. But there is no denying the underlying raised eyebrow if you have reached a certain age and never wed.