Archive for the ‘love’ Category

Realizations that travel through Gmail

I’m not really a YouTube watcher. When I get a link or hear about the latest YouTube craze, I look. And then of course there are all of the other videos that pop up on the right side of the screen that taunt you to keep clicking. But I got an email from a great friend that had a link that I took a lot of notice of because it hit home.

I am probably behind in the music scene, I’m a classic rock fan anyway, but the link she sent was this Gnarls Barkley video. The song is called “Who’s Gonna Save My Soul?” It’s enough to actually get me to buy the CD. And I don’t really buy CDs. Who does anymore?

Anyway, here it is.

I feel weird that a music video has made me reflect. I hoped you watched it because here is my tirade:

Why does it work this way? I didn’t really give it much thought. But now that I have on this dark Hurricane Ike day, I can think of one guy who ruined my heart and another who walked away with it. That’s at least the simplisitic version. And both happened at least half a decade ago. Since then I think I don’t really look at men the same. Not that I compare anyone I’ve dated to them, but maybe knowing that I have already gone down that route means that once I try to travel it again, I’m already damaged goods. Yep. I said it. Damaged. Most men will say, “Ah! Told you. Women hold a grudge!” But I’m not bitter. I’m just more aware of what is at stake EVERYTIME I decide to date again. I know how temporary it all is and I’ve yet to be proved wrong. Or feel the need to feel bad about it. It just is.

I’ve grown so much since that first real relationsship. And I’m growing even still, even in this past year. What does it all mean in the end? Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe it’s like I said. It just is. Am I supposed to dissect it?

Advertisements

Should we follow advice columns?

I’m going to post what I’ve been posting over at my work blog. I’m really confused by these steps written by Quick writer Bridgette Williams. Am I just daft or are these really the best steps toward learning to love yourself and in turn land a guy? I want your opinions so you tell me.

Read them in their entirely here:

http://www.o8sis.com/sharedcontent/dws/o8s.is/bwilliams/stories/o8sis080131_ph_hookup.7882c02f.html 

and here: http://www.o8sis.com/sharedcontent/dws/o8sis/bwilliams/stories/o8sis08010207_ph_hookup.9cb767ae.html

But what I’m having issues with is her steps 6 thorough 8. It’s a walking contradiction.

6. Realize, reconcile, repeat. Let me explain. I’ve got a friend who engages in flirtatious banter with a bevy of boys – some she actually likes, some she doesn’t.

This creeps me out because I don’t understand why you would flirt with someone whom you have no interest in. That’s just mean. But I can reconcile it with the fact that you have to start somewhere, and flirting is as good a starting point as any.

7. Recruit a romantic role model. While my friend’s tactics are different than mine, I consider her a romantic role model. Find someone who navigates the dating world as a man magnet and find ways to emulate her.

8. Understand your love perspective. I was raised by guys. So it’s highly likely that I will have a guy’s point of view on most issues, like the whole flirting for flirting’s sake thing. My point is, if you know you don’t like the color, why are you trying on the dress?

So here is where I’m lost. I thought that if I had the flirty friend I am supposed to follow her lead but she just said not to flirt for flirting’s sake. I’m bringing all this up because as you go on your journey trying to figure out what is wrong with you or find out what to do with yourself by reading these advice columns, start dissecting.

I know we are all seeking for knowledge. Obviously because we are bloggers. And bloggers read other bloggers to get advice. Sometimes it’s good and other times…One thing I do agree with is the idea of loving yourself. But shouldn’t you figure out on your own how to do that. Can someone really tell you how to love you?

I’ve turned my back on my lover…

I’m coming clean. I am confessing right here and now that I’ve been having a whirlwind love affair. Shame on me for keeping this from you, faithful readers. Not only is this love warm, but tall, dark and Italian comes to mind. I’m not the same person when I’m in the throws of such a presence. I forget who I am. What I’ve said. What I’ve done…

However, after last Sunday during a pathetic run of football playoff games, I made the decision to dump the love of my life. It hurt as first. The passion still lingers and at night, when I’m out with friends, I crave it once again. Not giving into such temptation, I’ve yet to slip up.  I haven’t had any contact with said culprit of stealing my heart. But it has only been less than one week

It pains me but I will leave you with this. If you have seen my love, make sure to say hello for me and that I miss those sweet caresses. Here. I’ve given you a photo so you can identify the love I speak of…
Continue reading

I’m not gonna be famous, but I can dream…

The 50 primeSo this weekend is yet another moment of truth. The reception for my first solo photography show. I can only hope everyone will buy up everything to justify my purchases today at a designer sample sale. I should not be left alone with certain jewelry. Anywho, I’m no David LaChapelle at the moment but I’ve already sold a piece and the pictures have only been up since Monday. And I’ve sold others in a previous shared exhibit. Maybe I’m not so bad. You can be the judge. Bagel of Everything over at Ration Reality was so very kind enough to give me a plug under their NEWS section. Thanks lady.

The next goal is getting my dream macro lens and snap better shots. People go on and on about the “eye” being more important than the equipment but let’s get real. You may have a wonderful eye but limited equipment that can’t produce what the eye wants to capture. Currently my main lens is this 50 prime you see before you. However it was taken by my “dream” lens: the Nikon 105mm f/2.8 with VR. All that mumbo jumbo basically means kick ass but there’s lots better out there however over $700 is more than enough of a start. At least that is the translation I’m sticking with. If you look at the reviews of the product, there is one complainer but he’s not using it right. This baby isn’t a portrait lens (my prime is) and that is why I want it. It produces AMAZING macro shots. Sorry, I’m babbling again while drooling over glass.

Wish me luck tomorrow. And feel free to buy stuff from my site if you want Christmas gifts that didn’t come from Target. I’m excited and very anxious about the reception. I’ve saved all my calories for the wine I’m drinking tonight for the nerves. My next post shall discuss the cruelty of counting calories, however two more pounds lost so far…

Day 9: I love my job today…

Where else can you spend a work day at the fair and not get in trouble? We did work. But come on. What fun! We interviewed little kids, some crazy carnies and ate like fiends (I only had a lemon chill and 1/4 of a turkey leg before any of you “virtual” trainers ask!) There aren’t so many rare moments when everything comes together at once and you have absolutely nothing bad to say about your full-time gig. Today was one of them. Tomorrow? Eh. Well, now I’m going to be nosey. I want to know what you do and what is great about it. Would you like to work somewhere else?

I really would like to know but obviously this is a distraction from the meat of the issue. I’m not hitting the gym. My footsies are killing me from walking the fair–we were there from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. in the horrible, full Texas sun!? We sat for all of 10 minutes the whole time. I’m going to say something I have been repeating for the last few days: It has to count for something! And I didn’t eat one fried thing. I even got Big Tex to do a plug for our company! I worked. Cut me some slack…(tee hee) Or maybe I just needed to tell myself that.

Jimi already died once…

Hey I’m all for art. All kinds of it. And this guy is talented I guess. And I suppose this is kinda cool? But my heart already bleeds on a daily basis knowing the best thing that ever happened or ever will happen to music is dead dead dead. And I don’t really want to see him go up in flames! Some of you will probably think this is a great clip. But maybe some of you may think, as do I, that it’s sacrilege!!! Ah Jimi. Many many many moons ago I could have shown you the way to a good high without you having to overdose.

The married man

Not too long ago I had a business lunch with someone I could tell right away as “my type.” I’m not one to really have a laundry list of things that make up a type for me because what I find attractive varies — and varies often. But then there are times like this one in particular…

First off, a great smile. Intelligence and humor. Great taste. Conversation. All of this I notice five minutes into the meeting. The first thing I do when many of these things come up as I encounter the opposite sex — in any situation — is I immediately, very slyly glance to see if he’s packin.’ But when I say packin’ I don’t mean anything other than if he’s got a ring! And more likely than not, he usually does. And so did this guy. I’m not about to preach on the whole “all the good ones are taken” thing. I think there are all kinds of great singles out there. I just don’t encounter them in my day to day. But who I do encounter are married men.

If you asked me who my “ideal” man was, I could probably give you a list if you really wanted it. However, I would have a hard time because like I said, it can vary and because I’m such an almost A.D.D. type of person I may tell you honesty is the most important thing and then if you asked me again I would say a sense of humor. In past cyber surfing attempts trying to find a match, I used the blanket script of honesty as my main focus. And somewhere in there I say something about being able to “keep up with me” or some other bullshit kind of entry. What doesn’t help, and this isn’t me coming close to bragging, is that when there seems to be a connection with someone, (not in my recent case) the guy quickly says some variation of this, “If I wasn’t married…” I never take this as an advance for a possible affair. I can’t stand the idea as you may have read in this rant. And many moons ago when I was a hostess in a semi-upscale and “trendy” restaurant, I was more or less propositioned to be a mistress which I took much offense to. Still there is the rub.Between attracting and being attracted to married men, my single life is kind of blah. I mean I am not going into the whole woe is me.

But just picture this scenario: You know how if you go to a party or a barbecue and you reach for a cold beverage from a very filled to the brim cooler packed with ice? However you can’t exactly see what you want because all of the drinks are buried in the ice. So you reach blindly, plummeting your arm into the cold, ice-water mess but all you keep picking out are the drinks you don’t want. Even though you know the drinks you truly want are somewhere below all the ones you keep getting a frozen arm over in the meantime. OK, that may or may not have made sense? Anyway, maybe this is why people cheat? Are many people in marriages they shouldn’t be in, all the while the “right” person for them is sitting at home alone? I know there are plenty of happily married people. But if it were that simple, the divorce rate wouldn’t be a common topic or defense for unwed folks.