Archive for the ‘how to’ Category

How to dump your girlfriend with “class”

As you have read here, my ex chose the wonderful opportunity to be a real gem by passive aggressively dumping me by not calling for a week and then not bothering to check up on me after I had procedures done to see what has been making me sick. I emailed him this:

I know you didn’t ask, but I wanted to let you know I had a polyp in my stomach and have been diagnosed with Hemorrhagic gastritis and reflux esophagitis. I didn’t get further instruction until I see the doctor again. I have to have a CAT scan of my stomach and pelvis next and then probably another procedure. I really am sure you didn’t really want to know all that, but thought I would tell you since you had to be around me during my flare-ups. The polyp is being tested.

Anyway, look for a package in the mail. I will be mailing your clothing and DVDs. I’m sure you would like those back. Don’t worry. I’m not going to be some weird psycho chick about this. I won’t be emailing you again or bothering you.

Here is his business transaction (like he did ALL things) approach about it:

I’m glad to hear that they’ve finally found the cause of your ailments, and hope that can finally start addressing the pain you have been suffering thru. Thank you for the return of my stuff, I appreciate it. I hope you do well in the future, and wish you luck.

That my friends is how “real” men let you down easy.

(For the record, he doesn’t read this blog…at least I don’t think…)

 

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How to get anything done: Lie

I am a very upfront, and highly honest person. Maybe a bit too honest. I’ve said that before here at my blog but now I see that I have been wrong all along.

I recently spilled a glass of my breakfast Odwalla B-Monster smoothie all over my work laptop computer…and it wasn’t closed. At least the computer itself wasn’t effected but the keyboard no longer types the letters “U, Y, G, V and J.” I kind of need those letters. Well when I called IT, they basically told me in a very quaint and polite way.

“Just turn the laptop over in a towel. Everything will be OK. Contact your manager.”

Basically I needed to call my boss to see about replacing the whole thing as it was clear that the help desk didn’t offer an alternative other than make a hope, wish and a prayer.  I am quite sure that all I need is a new keyboard because luckily the actual computer works fine in my work docking station. I just can’t use it at home. When I told my boss, he was like “We’ll get it replaced.” But when I told him that I told the IT department that I spilt the smoothie he said, “You really are too honest, Jenice.” Is this a bad trait to have. Geez. I thought that was endearing in a person.

I guess some would call what I did too much disclosure. I probably should have just not told the whole story. But that just seems too unethical and of all the questionable things I am guilty of, being unethical is one thing I don’t want my name attached. So I told it like it was. I shall call it “Smoothie-gate.”

 

Well, all was fine for a while. The crud dried and the keys seemed to work for like 30 minutes and then it was no use. I was contacted this week about getting things sorted (not exactly sure how) but I just got this email from the tech handling my case.

 Just found out that the Dispatch was canceled for being honest about the reason for replacing the keyboard.

So when I emailed him back I said:

So if I had lied then I would have had this expedited better? Good to know that lying is the best policy these days. (INSERT SARCASTIC SMILEY FACE HERE.)

He said I had a point. However the the moral of the story is that when the B-Monster hit my keyboard, and I made the call, I should have said it just stopped working. I should have lied my ass off (or what many people call “not telling the whole truth/story”) and I would have a laptop with keys that work right now.  And as it turns out, the tech is going to find a way to help me so maybe being too honest still works out in the end. But really, lying is the best policy when it comes to getting things done.

How to take the higher road…

Deciding it doesn’t matter what an emotionally inept blogger has to say about you. By the end of the day, does it really matter what he or she believes? Blogs are great in that we are able to voice our thoughts to everyone and anyone. And we hear new viewpoints. All of which should be constructive. The blogs I can’t stand are the ones that attack people from just one blog post instead of reading the whole thing. Thanks Nectarfizz for pointing that out and Micky for getting my back. And that’s the cool thing right there. Both bloggers I mentioned are vastly different. And I’m different in many ways from them. But somehow we make it all work over here. Even when we don’t all agree. What we can agree on though is realizing we are not defined by people who don’t have a clue about us.

But because we all just need to laugh. Here is this gem…