Archive for the ‘feminism’ Category

Right in my backyard

My recent move has been blissful. I love this place. I’m near nature. I’m close enough to work and downtown. That sneaky demon/angel kitty of mine has somewhere to roam outside on the balcony. But as with every damn thing in life, there is a downfall. The downfall is being a stone’s throw a way from a doctor’s hospital and a few other medical centers.

That is bad Feng Shui already. Feng Shui always tells you being near a hospital is not a good idea and yes I read about Feng Shui. Really not the point. The point is that yesterday I had to witness knobby-kneed, clear visor and monster sunglasses wearing, pasty abortion picketers. I love the idea we have all these wonderful rights. We get to say what we want (for the most part), do what we want (within reason) and we have the right to proudly display and brandish what we stand for. However is it wrong to say, and I’m really being quite whitebread and cliche, “–not in my backyard?”

There. I said it. Not gonna take it back.  The scene was so circa Roe vs. Wade. When I’m peeling out of my complex, I don’t really feel like reading posters that say  “Jesus heals.” And “Abortion hurts women.” I’m not exactly a blasphemous heathen, but I don’t need a sermon shoved at my eyes while I’m at the stoplight or that churn in my stomach–the same I get when I have to evaluate whether or not those “homeless” median dwellers holding up cardboard box panels saying “Hungry. God Bless” are really in dire straits. Hey. I’m just trying to get to the next street. Grab a damn coffee. Get to the store. I got the compulsion to yank out my lighter and torch each of those poorly scrawled phrases that contradict everything tolerance stands for.

How sick is it to know that if you were someone who has had an abortion, that in broad daylight you can be reminded of your decision and then mocked for it. How nice. And today’s issues just seem far more what will decide what kind of America we will have come voting day. The decision was made. Abortion is legal and up to a woman to decide. May she see fit not to use it as birth control but it’s still her right just the same. So let’s move on from this tired topic and stop rehashing. Besides, everyone just kept on driving.

Delete my comments…

I have to say this though I know I’ve probably hit my rant quota for the week. If you have read the post below you have a little insight as to why I’m scrawling my latest.

I’ll shut up now…I have to really give it to intelligent bloggers. There are so many out there. They discuss just about everything and speak their mind. I speak my mind as well. I say what I want after reading your post and you are free to approve it or delete it. But one thing is for sure, please decide against altering it. All this does is reflect something that isn’t the truth of what was said.

Trust and believe I have moments where I cuss like a sailor. If you don’t like that, please put up a little disclaimer where it can easily be found and say so. I will respect your wishes. It’s your right and I respect everyone’s rights.

I love debate. And arguments and disagreements don’t scare me much. I think we all can use getting a little oxygen pumping in our blood as we get flush faced about something we don’t agree with — that is what makes us passionate.

I’m a chick. I cuss. You may not like it. You may think it “lowbrow.” Just delete.

Please and thank you.

Are you afraid to date a black chick?

There is a wildly popular blog on blogger called White Men for Black Women. Check it out and read a little of it. Maybe it’s just me, but a blog like that is very new to me. Very interesting. Basically it is a white guy discussing the barriers people put up when it comes to interracial dating as well as highlighting why he prefers black women. There is also some other political stuff sprinkled in and “success stories.”

Though I’ve started following this blog, and even added it to my blogroll, I’m still not really sure how I feel about it. Do we REALLY need a movement? I have no qualms saying I love white men. However I love ALL men when they are on my good side! So I don’t really care the race — just need the initial attraction, physical or not.

I really dig the guy going all out in this blog of his but like I said, I’m still not sure how I feel about it. What I do like is how he opens things up for discussion. He did a little survey on how white men reacted to the idea of dating a black woman. The most common response seemed overwhelmingly positive about the idea of dating a black woman however there was a DEFINITE stereotype problem. Most of which concluded that black women don’t like white men because they think they are “geeks,” wouldn’t like a guy who liked opera, and other grand generalizations. Is this where we are in 2007?? Sad.

Other things said were basically that overall, society still isn’t comfortable with interracial dating. I say that isn’t entirely true. Black men date white women with ease every day. What society seems MORE uncomfortable with is white men with black women. Why is that? Humor me because I’m speaking from experience. I know my time dating white men “pales” in comparison to the black men I know now who date white women because my experiences were somewhat more negative. The normal disapproving looks, relatives saying I didn’t need the hassle from society…and family members on the guy’s side that didn’t approve. Why is that? Why is society so afraid of a black woman? I’ve heard it all, even here actually. One thing that was said is that black women are too strong-headed. I’ve met a woman in just about every race that fits that bill quite nicely. People say black women have attitude or are mean. I don’t know about mean, but I think women as a whole should have SOME attitude somewhere in their girdle. This isn’t the age of shrinking violets. Women are stronger than ever. Breaking barriers, climbing the corporate ladder, holding office, raising movements. Aren’t ALL women then supposed to be considered strong.

What I can say about the White Men for Black Women blog is that it’s out in the open, honest, not afraid to say what’s what. I like that. But I still think we as people should be at a point now in nearly 2008 where blogs like that don’t have to be created to gain support of an “interracial movement.”

“Hobby Lobby can eat it” or “Why I missed the gym…”

Between the punk framing kids at Hobby Lobby who keep screwing up my work and the “neighbor” at my apartments walking around with a Miller Light 40 in a paper bag and telling me I’m too pretty to be frowning, I decided NOT to go to the gym. I just got tired of people today. Hit my limit. So I showered, am currently dreaming about a glass of wine, and will plop my plump behind on my couch.

With “fat” rebellion ladies like Joy Nash and others in this world, I’m trying not to feel guilty about it.

But I asked myself (and now you) two questions.

1) What the hell happened to customer service?!

2) Just because I look like a gal who should always be bubbly, does that mean I HAVE to always look the part?

(so I have three questions)

3) Does my potential of being a real “fat” ass really matter?

Is marriage a rite of passage?

With all this recent talk in my blog about marriage, I just have to wonder something about the rites of passage we encounter.

There are all these small and momentous moments in our lives. The small ones are simple enough: Tying your shoes for the first time, making your own lunch for school, walking to the bus stop by yourself. But the large ones like your first kiss, losing your virginity, high school graduation, first job (maybe not in that order of course!) can place their mark on you for the rest of your life.

Your rite of passage into adulthood is clearly defined by these things. There are so many more too like finally achieving independence, going to college, children — whatever is a milestone in your life isn’t necessarily the same for everyone. But is marriage one of the required rites?

Many say that marriage comes before children so it is a necessary thing. But you don’t have to be married to have children while many say the two should go hand and hand. I’ve never really had a desire to have children and at one point of my life marriage wasn’t something I wanted either. But as things truck along and years pass, marriage has been on my “to do” list of things. I know it kind of sounds clinical and impersonal that way — thinking of it as a check off on a master list, but I guess that is how I see it. There-in lies the problem?

I finished college, landed my first real career. What’s next? Of course always improving or looking to move up or progressing in what I am accomplishing should be enough on my plate. Sometimes it isn’t — much to my chagrin. Marriage isn’t anywhere near my radar. Is marriage something EVERYONE should reach for at some point in their lives? Just as with all those other milestones, is marriage a rite of passage or just another option?

There is a list of famous, great people who never married. I can think of a few spectacular writers and activists alone — Jane Austen (who has been referred to as a spinster) and Susan B. Anthony (where in one text says, “… she had time, freedom and ability to travel.” Not so bad.) But did they really miss out? What if you never reach for the supposed finality of tying the knot? Are you a lesser person for it? To say less is a bit dramatic of course but what about all those references to spinsters not too long ago (and sometimes used today). Why is an unmarried man a bachelor and an unmarried woman an ugly-sounding name like “spinster…”? Sounds like sinister. 🙂

Actually spinster used to be used on applications and documents in place of the word  “single.” Centuries ago women who remained unmarried were looked down upon. Some even considered witches!! And just in the past few decades such as in the 1950s, this idea never really went away. It was just a tad less menacing! I am not blind enough to believe this sort of thinking and overall perception doesn’t exist today.

I remember in middle school that the fact that I never dated ( I wasn’t even allowed to until I was 16) prompted someone to say I was a lesbian. And it was said as an insult, of course. I could have cared less about the accusation but what enraged me was society’s idea that everyone, even at that tender age, should always be partnered and if you weren’t, something was wrong with you. And today that translates to people starting to suggest seeking out a spouse on eHarmony or Match.com.

Of course I realize that the whole world isn’t always persecuting the perpetual single person. But there is no denying the underlying raised eyebrow if you have reached a certain age and never wed.