Archive for the ‘celebrity’ Category

Celebrity stalker….

Have I become one? This week it was Will Smith. A few weeks ago John Popper. Who will it be next?! All I know is, it really is a rush meeting talented, but down-to-earth people.

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Please don’t make fun of my face/hair. A) It was windy. B) I have a hard time hiding those fat cheeks when I’m cheesing so hard…

Will Smith walking out of the DMN

He’s so pointing at me…

He didn’t have a chance, but he looks good…

 The before and after shaking your booty for over a month…

 

 

 

 

 

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This will be my last Dancing with the Stars post. I’m not a fan of having a blog that tracks shows and crap. I refuse — but will retract my refusal if something like a dancer passes out again or kills someone.
I’m writing this because our own (Dallas’ demigod) Mark Cuban has been booted off. No real surprise. Those facial expressions were just bananas and so many people didn’t like that he didn’t dance seriously. But what good old Cuban did do was have fun and shed about 30 or more pounds. Just look at the BEFORE picture to the left.

Anyway, he lasted longer than most bets probably surmised. He’ll be alright as you all must surely need to know. He’ll comfort himself with his special pillows filled with the good green dough and distract himself focusing on those new irons in the fire with all that mixed martial arts stuff. All I know is that the Cowboys better win, the Mavs and the Rangers to make up for this Dallas disappointment. I shed a tear…

We’ll always have Emmitt.

somebody please tell me…

Why would anyone need Dane Cook window stickers? That is what someone was looking for to get to my blog. Granted I posted about Dane here. If you are seeking a Dane Cook window sticker, contact me. I think I can take a wonderful picture of a jackass and make something pretty for ya.

Reaching a new low: Celebrity media must die

Period.

I’m all for certain magazines that don’t drip celebrity on every page but can be deemed almost as cheesy lethal (more than 100 pages and high gloss) that I won’t mention here for fear of being pigeon-holed into a Sex in the City cookie cutter category. Everyone has their guilty pleasures. OK. OK. I’ll admit to one. Marie Claire. I’ve lost any cool points I’m sure that I never really had at this blog I’m sure.

In this same vein, I am beginning to loathe just about every celebrity blog on the planet. It all just used to be kind of funny, mostly light-hearted and pretty much an escape from having to mentally check in everyday at work. I am not going to name every single one out there, but you know the key players. Even if you don’t read them, you know basically which ones everyone seems to keep coming back to. Except Best Week Ever. If you don’t like that blog/show, I don’t care. It keeps me in a rare good mood.

But knowing that there is Anna Nicole photo floating around on these sites, allegedly taken just after she passed, is just sick. Please. Before you label me one of those crazed celebrity fanatics, I’m sickened for humanity. It could have been anyone and I would have felt the same. OK, I will admit that I was watching Entertainment Tonight when I found out. But cut me some slack because it was my folks who had that show on when I was visiting.

ET was “discussing” this photo of Anna (really they just kept zooming in and out of it and showing it before EVERY commercial break) that was circulating the Web on many prominent celeb blogs. I won’t be plugging them here. I’m sure you have heard about this and if not, you are now Googling for it. But if you do, have the courtesy to open another window. For those of you curious but don’t want to look, I’ll just say she was sitting up in bed, looked like she was in mid vomit and topless. Even if the photo isn’t real, they are circulating it like it is and THAT is what sickens me. Gross. 

And if it is real, I know Anna was a mess. A big old, sometimes skinny old, crazy mess. However, no one deserves that. And we don’t need to see it at our 6 p.m. dinnertime either. Why the hell would ANYONE be interested in seeing such morbid shit? What kind of people are we? I’m not some kind of moral compass guru but the behavior of people (namely a coke-snorting-off-the-stomach-of-her-baby-while-breat-feeding hooker) is really starting to make me want to have a Michael Douglas moment. But not enough to have a Sean Penn moment.

And being that I’m in the media field, I want to see the death of celebrity bullshit reporting. It’s not reporting and is just as useful as cat fecal matter. Wait. Cat fecal matter can at least go in the garden and grow shit…

Again, even if that nasty photo wasn’t real, someone who thinks it is a wonderful (yet we all know profitable) idea to shoot a snapshot of a possibly dead, overdosed woman deserves a bed of pen of needles in hell while their fingernails get ripped off and they are forced to watch Jennifer Lopez movies over and over (but not Selena.)

Update: “Official”  folks are officially saying the pic is in fact not real.  Just the crazy bitch goofing off with chicken and tarter sauce. But can we please just let this train wreck rest already?And I still stand firm. Just think if it was … What am I saying? You would still Google it.

It’s OK Britney, there are lots of bad moms

 These just didn’t lose their kids…

 Granted. This mom is teaching this kid what NOT to do.

And the bonus is a kid who learned that song about fornication.

Dane Cook tries to sing

danecook.jpgI told ya’ll, this weekend stays really light. And I don’t mind admitting I watch VH1’s “Best Week Ever.” It’s even in my sidebar. It’s the only thing worth watching on that station. And I just nearly peed my shorts on this one so I had to share.

Not a fan of Dane Cook? You will be happy to know that he’s taken himself WAY too seriously and has released a new single called “Forward.” I didn’t know what was funnier. The song, or the fact the BWE turned it into a music video set to his stand up. Unfortuately BWE doesn’t have embeded codes so you will have to click this link to see it.

Even the cat is shocked.

Dane Cook Kitty

Religion, humor and Ms. Griffin

I’m keeping this a light weekend. My brain just can’t function while enduring this hellish move that by now I’m sure you are tired of hearing about. No worries because I’m about to be done by next week.

But I just have to give a big So What? to the fact that Kathy Griffin told Jesus to suck it. Read and hear the audio here at LAist. You will need to hear it there because you won’t hear it this weekend when the Emmy’s award show will be broadcasted on E! thanks to the god of censorship. It’s about time that bitch won something. Ms. Griffin is a Kathy at last year’s Emmy’shard-working, loud-mouth mess of hilarity in my book. And I just can’t understand why people can’t just get the joke in that speech. Now the Catholics are after her and she was raised Catholic with roots set in Irish pride. I trust she really doesn’t want Jesus to suck eggs.

I’m a person who HATES the whole “I would like to thank God” speech. It always seems so insincere. I think some “religious” people feel obligated to say it, even if they really don’t mean it. What they really mean to say is, “I would really like to thank myself for landing this role and kicking so much ass to get here, but I can’t say that because I have to thank God, Jesus then my mum.” I’m not saying NOT to thank God but I bet whoever is upstairs can sniff the bullshit from the people who claim to put God first. I’m going to get murdered for that last statement but I don’t think that you can disagree that there are phonies out there who don’t really walk their talk. Hence her dig at the supidity of people who insincerely thank God and use it so lightly.

I admire Griffin for her ballsy approach and her purposeful gaudiness. It got her far enough in life. Even on the “D” list.

I would like to thank cleaning fumes, morning cartoons, insomnia and dissillusion for this post. Thank you.

I want him to go away.

Warning: I’m just bitching.

Why can’t society let Perez Hilton go away?

YUCK.

I have seen at least three interviews with this guy and have not quite figured out all the hype. He has no personality and his tired tactics have been done before somewhere else. And probably better.A few things I’ve noticed. When specific questions are asked, he tends to sound like he’s searching for a good lie story. On the Chelsea Lately Show last night he was yapping about how Amy Winehouse called him. Really? And how he suggested to her that she go back to rehab and she supposedly said, “No, they sold me out.” He told this story as a “true” account. Now this may have happened. But have you ever heard a three-year-old give an account of something that happened to them? And then after a while it sounds like a really great lie?

OK. He dyes his hair green. Why? Not because he thinks it looks cool I’m sure. But mainly just because he thinks he looks different and because he looks so ordinary, the green coif makes him “stand out.” Please. To me he would get lost in a crowd of people. Plus the green hair gives the talk show host a distraction from what he or she really wants to say like, “Why in the love of all that is good and right in the world do YOU have a show while it took me X amount of years to get here?!”I think Jimmy Kimmel may have wanted to say that.Plus he doesn’t articulate things well but how can a man who draws penises on people’s heads really articulate.

What is the edge? Celebrity bashing? That’s a dime a dozen activity. Every damn blogger (including my ass) is doing that. What sets him apart is that he did it first, I guess. Or at least was the first blogger to get enough Google juice to make him famous. I want the hourglass on his 15 minutes to shatter. I don’t think the Perez phenomena is going away soon. Now that he has a new show, Perez Says, it will be impossible to make him disappear. Unless the three-year-old gets caught in one of his “stories” — crying wolf style and everyone stops listening.

we don’t have to take our clothes off…

Remember that Jermaine Stewart song? If you don’t, feel free to enjoy the cheese below.

But that is a lie. I think I’ve probably had some good times with my clothes on but with people finding any way possible to get naked, this one-hit wonder is obviously inaccurate. I’m not going to write all about Vanessa. You can get your share of it from the last 24 or so hours of eager bloggers posting at WordPress. But I will say this: What bothered me most about the picture of that ex-Disney Diva (her halo has been tarnished no matter how many more Disney flicks she does) in all her “glory” wasn’t her boobies. It was that her drapes and bedroom set didn’t quite match when I think she tried for it to. And I actually mean her decor, not her privates. That and the fact that I think I noticed a Target lamp. And there is something metal and unidentifiable on her wall that I couldn’t quite make out. Isn’t she supposed to be rich? And couldn’t she find a better camera to snap her stuff with that produces perfect lighting, zoom and pixels? Maybe the little punks of High School Musical didn’t get paid as much as I thought…

Anyway, who gives a rats about nakedness? Why is America so damn uptight? Man, when Janet Jackson let loose her areola you would have thought the Anti-Christ had finally arrived. Doesn’t this nation pride itself on expression and freedom? I guess not.

To me the main reason for clothes is because no one wants to see my thighs in action. That and I think there is some really unknown story in the Bible that you just never hear from passionate fundamentalists that has something to do about gaining knowledge or something. Geez. I don’t care if I see someone nude. To me it’s like saying I can’t stand seeing myself in the mirror. We all have tits. Butts. Big and small bellies. Well in America, mostly big ones.

I’m willing to bet money I don’t really have (unless you want to visit my shop, tee hee) that every last one of you have taken a “naughty” pic of yourself for or with your significant other. The difference is, when you are a celebrity, you get the chance to share it for some Google juice, to escape being type-casted or to get a quick coke fix of publicity.

I don’t care. Why does America care? Am I not an American? Hum, how many times can I say America in this post? America…

Too good not to post…I love my LOL generator!

 


Update: This post is currently like 96 on Top Posts. However, it has disappeared from most of the tags I posted it in. To test something, I reposted it under another title  for a while and sure enough it was in all the tags I listed. Weird. WordPress messes with me sometimes. And I’m sure I’ve been replaced already by Wet for Went.

On August 20 I was a growing blog…

Ah. It’s like a nice and distant memory. Just happy to say it happend once!

So what’s the key to being a growing blog?

So far I’ve noticed that the more religion or controversy (but with a little tact) the better. Oh and it doesn’t hurt to throw in sex and technology. If you do all four at the same time, then you are a genius! Politics: no brainer. And if you mix it up with sex, definite win but gee with the way politics are, both are pretty much synonymous!

Splice in some Facebook talk and a dash of sports.

If you live in New York: bonus points. If you live in New York and write about it: guaranteed win. If you are someone trying to nip at the heels of worthless celebrity blogger, Perez Hilton, triple points. Especially if you mostly cover black celebrities.

If you are a crazed fan who is obsessed with a hottie from Prison Break, you are golden.

There you have it. I will keep adding to this list. Feel free to add to it as well. I’ll give you credit for it.

Here are some so far. There are also some ideas in the comments section…

“For Google juice use a nice long list of celebrities.
Today I used celebrities who have tried to commit suicide (via Mental_floss.)”
goinglikesixty

“Generally, the more people I annoy, the higher my technorati ranking.

Also, being an entomologist the week of a giant spider web occurred in Texas helped :)”Bug Girl

“Sex, celebrity and a damn good title.. It’s all in the titles.” — Paul Baylay

“It would also be good to be an atheist and throw in a little religion bashing (even better just focus on the Christians). Atheism is like the new craze or something like that.” — Bacony Goodness