Archive for the ‘animals’ Category

Dogs can poop on your senator

I could just shoot myself for not listening and not taking out a pen and paper while watching the news last night. I admit that I was just relaxing, enjoying hanging out on a holiday weekend with my family and didn’t pay attention to the end story of the night — until I heard the words dog and cemetery.

My local news station did a story on a cemetery (and this is where I want to shoot myself) that received much needed care by using dog walker memberships, but I didn’t hear where the hell it was located! My parents were trying to remember the name of it and I have been frantically Googling to find the story which surprisingly isn’t even on the news’ site. It’s like the story never happened! I can’t blame them though, they did show a clip of a dog actually crapping on a grave site. No joke! Now you know why I could just shoot myself.

So on my Google search I did come across this. If this isn’t news to you, bear with me. But for those of you like little old me, I will tell you that the historic congressional cemetery (which is not government owned) in Washington, D.C. has dog walker memberships. Such memberships helped improve the cemetery in question on the story last night. But can you imagine?! I mean poop you can pick up but in this news story I saw last night (which I’m STILL trying to track down to see if it’s the same place in Washington), dogs were peeing literally inches away from tombstones! Read this from the rules and regs of the Washington organization.

Welcome to Congressional Cemetery. Despite its name, Congressional Cemetery is not a government owned or operated facility; it is a private, non-profit, burial ground. Please keep in mind that Congressional is first and foremost a functioning cemetery, not a “dog park.” Dogwalking is a privilege of membership in the Association. To ensure the harmonious use by all, we ask you to adhere to the following rules.

Oooh. I’m happy for the clarification between a burial ground and a dog park. OK before I give some of the rules, you know what rules are for? Breaking. And you know there just has to be some fun-seekers who will let their dogs crap on an old senator.

2) All dogs must be kept away from people visiting gravesites, burial services, ceremonies, group tours, grounds maintenance crews, and other non-dogwalking visitors and events. Aggressive behavior, barking, jumping, or snarling at visitors or other guests and authorized personnel will not be tolerated and may be grounds for revocation of dogwalking privileges.

I just had a great visual.

4) The Cemetery will be closed to all dogwalkers one hour before and after burials. Notifications will be sent by e-mail and a sign posted at the front gate. The Cemetery will also be closed to all dogwalkers from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm on certain holidays: Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

But what if I want to walk my dog on Christmas morn? I can’t think of a better place than a graveyard! Come on, please. It’s my privilege.

Am I wrong to think this is weird? No matter how long it’s been happening? And can someone in Texas please tell me what graveyard they featured last night on FOX News? I’m not so good a journalist afterall.

[By the way, I sure have been watching a lot of FOX News over here. WTF?]

I lied.

if i were a cat…yea, this look would work.

Have a drunken, laugh out-loud, Labor Day weekend…

CHEEZBURGER! Give Lily a chance…

Maybe I’m just not clever enough. Or Ms. Tiger Lily just isn’t funny. But she never sees a day on the voting page. Sigh…

Tiger Lily

Road to happiness: Think like a dog.

Last week I was asked to be a “celebrity” judge for an event called Doggie Splash Day. If you are unfamiliar with this kind of event, it’s basically a free for all for dogs and their owners to swim together, goof off and enter funny contests. My category: Talent.

I arrived in a khaki skirt of all things (I had another event immediately before the splish-splashing fun) and some less-than-safe sandals, which I know was kind of dumb but I forgot my sneakers to change into. Anywho, one of the park staff helped me up the very tall and slippery lifeguard chair and I waited patiently for the contest to start while chatting it up with the other “celebrity” judges (one of which was an elementary school principal. Talk about red carpet…)

While I was up there I noticed that a large Labrador or Golden Retriever, I admit to not knowing the difference, stopped at the bottom of the lifeguard chair near my feet. Then I noticed that he was slowly raising his leg and … yea, let’s just say I propped my feet up so quick you can probably still feel the breeze from them swiftly rising to the sky.

Then the dog just walked away without a care in the world. I envied that dog. He didn’t care if he came off rude. He didn’t care if he offended me. He just needed to take a leak and that was mission no. 1 between chasing a ball and taking a leap into the pool.

Well, after the silliness of one too many dogs saying “I love you,” Frisbee tricks, roll over-play dead-shake attempts and one dog that appeared too shy to perform in the talent show, I decided to take a real hard look around the pool. Not a care in the world…

Dogs aren’t stupid but they live simply. They just need some stroking, food, water, playtime and a place to lay their heads. They don’t care if they shit in front of you and you then have to pick it up and dispose of it. They don’t care if they have stinky breath when they lean in to give you a big kiss. Their privates are out for the world to see, they don’t give a rip. They lick themselves and aren’t ashamed. They don’t care if you have cellulite, aren’t the perfect size or have the best wardrobe in the world. They don’t care who you date, what you do behind closed doors, your political opinions.

They just live. And they do so without the trappings we live with every day.

I am convinced that if we all lived that way, there would be world peace — well that and a lot of butt-sniffing …

I have a new addiction…

I know everyone is tired of that damn I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER?  But I just can’t stop checking that site out for the latest in “oh noes!”  and poor spelling. It’s become a sad new addiction of a woman who sits at a desk, types, drinks bottled waters with Crystal Light  and wonders what more to the world there is …

And then I turned my cat Tiger Lily into an LOL cat …

Lily had no choice in the matter…

Does Casper like cats?

Tiger Lily isn’t exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. And in fact my father believes her to be crazy. But one thing my little cat can’t be called is nonobservant. 

The last few years of having Lily, I’ve noticed she has moments where while sitting on my lap in utter contentment, she will suddenly bolt her head — eyes big as saucers and then she looks either above my head or right next to me. This has been even more frequent in the past year. Sometimes she even seems to follow whatever invisible thing that is in the room as is “moves.” This seems to be a nightly ritual for her and sometimes ends with her hanging partially off my bed and staring at the nothing that has “landed” on the floor.

Cats will be cats you might say, which is true. And I am in the hottest part of hell in the South so maybe there is a nat, or skeeter, or something stalking her. But really, for this long? She may be crazy but her queer gazing and sometimes fearful reactions to her possible “non-existant” subject got me wondering. Do ghosts or spirits exist?

Goose pimples when you walk into a room that isn’t cold. That weird feeling you can get sometimes when you enter a house you’ve never been. Odd occurances you write off as “just your imagination.” Are these all signs of the supernatural?

It isn’t a news flash that we don’t use all of our brains. (Some less than others…) Do animals? I wonder if we sometimes tap into, without really thinking about it, some other part of our brain that we don’t even know how to use. And is that something the capability to sense or see what we normally would not? This may sound kind of cooky, but I will just blame it on the cat.

Besides, she may just need her eyes checked…