Archive for the ‘agony’ Category

Vegas may have killed me and this blog…

I was truly due a vacation. And I got it. But what I neglected to do was figure out what was wrong with me prior to having it. You see, I’ve been sick. I haven’t really discussed it here. But I have had frequent issues and the docs have been little to no help. I guess Vegas brought it all to a head. And I think I left my intestines in the airplane bathroom. Speaking of which, American Airlines is horrible and if I don’t die, I will tell you the whole story — and possibly take them to task as it seems my boyfriend has filed a complaint of their negligence. And of course I still have to share pics.

However, as it stands, I’ve been to the hospital and they assumed it was food poisoning. My doc feels differently given my priors. So at this point, I’m barely focusing on keeping my head up, let alone writing. Forgive my absence, keep me in your prayers, and hopefully I will be back shortly.

Love you all,

Jenice.

Advertisements

Tomorrow is when I turn 30…

And I blame this distractraction for the non-stellar writing panache lately. Tomorrow I shall update you on the last day of my countdown. It may be over but I won’t stop improving.

I have to say, of all the birthdays in my life, this was one for the books. The one that I didn’t plan a damn thing and didn’t bother to remind people of the date. I just mourned. The calls have come in. “What are you doing for your birthday?” I just said, “Nothing.” There will be dinner plans but there you have it. No revelry. Just a whimper.

 I’m not really sure why I’m dreading this number. It is afterall, as many of you have pointed out, just a number. But I guess as a child and through my teens, I saw 30 as that marker of your successes, how far you have come and how far you may be going…

I definitely can say I’ve come a long way. But a not-so-shy 16-year-old unrealistically put everything into a time capsule for this age: being more traveled, finishing my first novel (*insert your own laugh track here*), getting married… She must still be in here, somewhere. I think she’s hiding from embarrassment! Or just reality…

I don’t know why we impose so much on such a seemingly meaningless number. Last year I celebrated the “death” of my 20s like it was my last hurrah…At 29 I didn’t give any thought to the 30 celebration because I just didn’t see what the celebration was about.

“Ugh. 30,”  I said and am still saying. But really I should just be happy to be alive…That’s what they tell you. “Be happy to be alive.” I am. Life is good. But they just don’t tell you how to stop dreading this kind of milestone. What will 40 feel like?

On a possibly unrelated topic, the other night I dreamt of riding horses with Amy Winehouse of all people. It wasn’t pretty like galloping. It was hard riding. Very fast. And angry. The horses were huge and majestic. I’ve probably lost it…Anyway, this could have so many odd meanings. Would anyone like to take a stab at it?

Did I mention I’ve had drinks?

When will it be about the issues?

issues.jpg

Are the Clintons bigots? Is Obama a pot head? Why do we do this? No wonder I’m a fence-sitter. Who wouldn’t be in times like these where everything in the world is being criticized instead of what the presidential hopefuls’ issues really are and where they stand? I’m more confused than ever. At this point I don’t even want to vote but I would never do that. Voting is still important. I know everyone is collectively saying, “Duh” right about now but I think we all need to remember that no matter how stupid everyone is looking right now, we still need to mark our ballots. But wait. Not everyone is looking stupid. Seems the republications haven’t been guilty of quite the same muckary (is that even a word) at this point as the democrats are.I was raised by democrats. I’m confessing right now that I’ve voted democrat all my life when it came to presidents — for very obvious reasons. I’m 29. You do the math. But I have never said I would never vote republican.

The Obama/Hilary stuff is making me want to vote for Huckabee. Now that’s bad. But if you look at the original origins of democrats, they were the ones who weren’t very progressive. Can that be said of today’s party? While republicans opposed the expansion of slavery and promoted business — that last bit is something they still do today of course. Obviously both parties have changed but is the change all that significant or can the change be measured by the mile? I’m still on the fence. Just give me a can of paint for me to whitewash it.

One thing for sure that WAS vastly different in the past was the media. News from what seems like a million years ago was about news. Not the fact that today’s celebrities are wasting away to anorexia or stopping to pump their own gas and grab a latte. I’m just sick. What CAN we believe?

I’m a part of the media, but I blame us just the same. Today’smedia that is. The media machine only cares about why Anna Nicole’s daughter is wearing an eye-patch. It’s breaking news when the Spears get knocked up and go crazy. Why wouldn’t that lack of real moral fiber bleed over into politics? It all makes me kind of happy in a way that I’m in the community news genre. But obviously the reason media goes after the superficial is because they think that’s what we want to hear. And that must be true because it’s only getting worse. We as a nation are watered down. Dumbed down. Oblivious.

Get me out of here…

Back in the saddle again. The Thanksgiving holiday is gone and I’m back at work.

I’m actually sitting here contemplating what could possibly be listed on journalismjobs.com right now. I’m not really feeling all the poignant at the moment to write anything super stellar. I’ll wait till I get home. But right now I’m sitting back in my little cubicle world, editing, stressing over whether or not one of my employees got her raise or not and if I turned in the paperwork correctly, worrying about the fact that I’ve never seen New York and wondering why it’s 50 degrees in here when it’s about the same temperature outside — I want to get the hell out of here.

Day 36: Give ’em a smile…

In my line of work, a smile is something I have to keep on at all times. Maybe more than my shoes.

Unlike a lot of lucky folks, I had to spend the weekend working. And working…and…smiling…and…

Anyway, while doing so, I was bombarded by the constant questions of when this and that was going to run in the paper. All the while keeping that bright and shiny smile and gleeful attitude only to nearly want to sob by the time I got to my car. Partly from exhaustion — mostly from burnout and sore cheeks from all that teeth-bearing. It just can all make you want to collapse. Even when THIS was what you kind of asked for. When I got home I was welcomed with an angry email from someone. Their story hadn’t run when they expected it to. Therefore I’m suddenly a monster…

That lovely Saturday I passed out even before SNL ended. So Day 36 meant that I walked the lake near my apartment and carried my camera with me. I will probably post some in my Flickr account along with those Dia de los Muertos photos I took a few weekends ago…

Day 36 I decided to push aside my smile. I packed only water and the camera. The smile somehow got left at home. Those who passed me on the trail may have thought I looked serene but definitely not gleeful. It felt nice and I absorbed every breeze, every animal noise and smell. I walked for about two hours and then pumped some iron. Then capped off the night busting a Martha Stewart and decorating way too damn early for Christmas. I think that works for the countdown…

Day 30: Spit it out if it ain’t great

I was going to write this as Day 29 but I looked at the time and realized it’s technically Day 30. Day friggin’ 30! Almost a month of this countdown. I’ve decided that come November I will be starting another page. It will have to be a creation of sheer motivation being that November is the beginning of cornbread stuffing.

Day 28 I spent much of my day walking the lake by my apartment. I was in search of an event for Dia de Los Muertos. I’ll have pictures posted soon so you can see my justification for not officially hitting the gym. And alas Day 29 can only give more excuses of deadline and working on my new blog. In addition, come Day 31 I will be getting into Halloween mischief. Later today is about my only shot until Thursday, Day 32. though I’m really behind on reading everyone’s blogs.

I’ve been eating fairly healthy — chicken breast, salads, soups but…*sighs* I did have Halloween treats last weekend. Two rice crispy treats and two chocolate chip cookies….FOR SHAME! The hostess of the party that night gave me a doggie bag of treats which I threw out yesterday. I decided if the goodies aren’t stellar, they aren’t worth my calories. Seems obvious enough but you know damn well we all still nibble foods we are indifferent about which is super counter productive.

Well, checking the scale again it seemed I lost two more pounds…but I’m not getting excited. Water retention is my worst enemy…

Day 17-18: I smoked on the balcony…

I’m so relaxed.

Lots of things make me do that. All of which aren’t a good enough reason to toke on a cancer stick. However, I buy a pack a month and smoke when I feel it’s necessary. Day 16 and 17 included smoking a cig on the balcony. It felt good. And I just relaxed. Maybe I should have a fake one like the aspergers guy from Boston Legal to appease something inside of me with a placebo type method. I did walk the fair today. And I’m already friggin’ sore as hell from Day 15. So, we’ll see for the weekend. I’m already invited to a VIP party Friday which I doubt will be swarming in healthy. This shit is hard…especially when you have become a recent object of attention from the non-fairer sex. Men are distracting.