Archive for the ‘affairs’ Category

I’m answering your questions.

Because I’m in a strange Sunday mood, I’ve decided to give simple answers to your burning questions. More to the point, the questions listed on my search engine stats. I hope they will be of use to you and maybe to those who have sadly stumbled onto my blog searching for real advice.

Got a search engine quesiton?1.) should I date a coworker of another race?

Well I say who cares about the color. The main issue you need to consider is if it’s wise to date your coworker. The race is irrelevant. Whoever you are, get your priorities in order.

2.) how to have affair married man

Geez. That isn’t too hard. Dress the part. Sit at the bar. Wait. And mention that you have condoms in your handbag. Then shut the hell up about it to your friends because they will be your worst enemy if they find out.

3.) how to keep a married man around

Hum. If you have to ask then you have been pushed aside for the other tart at the bar. Time to move on toots. Get a hobby or something.

4.) why do animals lay at my feet

Depends. Do your feet smell? Seriously. Animals love smells. And things that smell odd or yucky to us, they just seem to love. This may also be because you are a very lovable person and they just want some snuggle time.

5.) married man mistress breaking up with me

Ahahahahahah! I have no advice. Maybe you should have not cheated on your wife in the first place.


Because people hate feet for the most part unless you have a foot fetish. I choose not to go to salons anymore for a pedi and do it myself. You can read about it here.

7.) that the purpose of life is work argument

Yep. For me my purpose has proven time and time again to be work related. But that isn’t true for everyone. There are all the Mother Teresas in the world. Like Miss Jolie. *choked on vomit*

8.) How do black women feel about aging?

Well as the saying goes, black don’t crack. I think black women aren’t worried about their appearance while aging. But I think everyone, not just women of course, are always worried about aging. Some people truly embrace it as I hope to do as I tackle my fear of turning 30.

9.) white men will date asian women but not

But not what? Next question.

10.) wife prefers black men

Well grow a pair and leave her.

11.) how black women make love to a white guy

Hum. Well. We don’t really have any different parts from white chicks so figure it out. Maybe you wanted to read, “Ooh baby, we like it rough.” Or “Wez really freaky in the bedroom, yo.” Next racially charged question.

12.) are black women looked down upon by whit

Ask and you shall receive. Looks like another black/white question. Well black women are looked down upon if they let themselves be looked down upon. People do what they want around here and looking down is just one of the wonderful things humanity has to offer.

13.) letting go of a narcissist

Just stop listening and piss them off with your honesty.

14.) Black men don’t want black women

Oh. Really. Well I’m not worried about it. Why should you? Grow a pair and step out of your comfort zone.

15.) why does every movie I watch have a whit

Because of The Man.

16.) how to date white men

Go to Hooters. Ah. I’m kidding. Well, I think just stay open-minded. If you’ve snagged a white man and you are a black chick like me, it really shouldn’t be any different than shagging I mean snagging any other race. Man. Why are people so concerned with this?

17.) I dated a black women

Good for you. And I think you meant to type woman.

18.) why do married couple cheat

I’m still trying to answer this question myself. But I guess it’s like really digging candy. But your favorite kind is getting old to you and you heard about another candy you may enjoy a whole lot more. However, just in case it tastes bad, you don’t want to let go of the old candy. Not just yet.

19.) hobby lobby is a horrible place to work

Not really a question but I will say that it’s a horrible place to shop or get pictures framed.

20.) wanna live like a dog

Me too.

There were lots of others but they were variations of the same sexually charged, racially divided nature. Have a question?

Use the form below. If you want it answered privately, say so.

Here is one question from Frontier Former Editor: Dear mother of god, from under what rock or deadfall did the questioners in this last post crawl?

A) I wish I could answer this question. But what I can say to you dear Frontier is that we would probably be amazed that it could be the neighbor next door or your kid’s school teacher.

SEX, please…

It is my favorite pastime when I’m not working or blogging…I can’t go one day without it…

OK. This blog isn’t about sex. What it IS about is testing an old, tired theory. SEX SELLS. The fifth most popular blog a few days ago was titled Talk Dirty To Me and boy did it ever. No comments but a lot of right hands were probably busy while reading the few entries there. It was kind of hot. Can’t find it there now for some reason. Hum …

I’ve noticed a few things in my short time on WordPress. If I tag stories with “cheating” or “affairs” I get a healthy amount of hits — let alone if I tagged it sex. Combine that with my “sexy” avatar (ahaha). I know many of you out there are pondering your peaks and valleys as am I.

Of course, however, I don’t necessary find myself terribly interesting anyway. But for the sake of argument, I posted this blog under those tags, plus sex along with my old standards: blogging, thoughts, world (he he), rants. Plus by titling this bogus blog with the word sex, I know people will get curious.

Someone has already done this test, right?


The married man

Not too long ago I had a business lunch with someone I could tell right away as “my type.” I’m not one to really have a laundry list of things that make up a type for me because what I find attractive varies — and varies often. But then there are times like this one in particular…

First off, a great smile. Intelligence and humor. Great taste. Conversation. All of this I notice five minutes into the meeting. The first thing I do when many of these things come up as I encounter the opposite sex — in any situation — is I immediately, very slyly glance to see if he’s packin.’ But when I say packin’ I don’t mean anything other than if he’s got a ring! And more likely than not, he usually does. And so did this guy. I’m not about to preach on the whole “all the good ones are taken” thing. I think there are all kinds of great singles out there. I just don’t encounter them in my day to day. But who I do encounter are married men.

If you asked me who my “ideal” man was, I could probably give you a list if you really wanted it. However, I would have a hard time because like I said, it can vary and because I’m such an almost A.D.D. type of person I may tell you honesty is the most important thing and then if you asked me again I would say a sense of humor. In past cyber surfing attempts trying to find a match, I used the blanket script of honesty as my main focus. And somewhere in there I say something about being able to “keep up with me” or some other bullshit kind of entry. What doesn’t help, and this isn’t me coming close to bragging, is that when there seems to be a connection with someone, (not in my recent case) the guy quickly says some variation of this, “If I wasn’t married…” I never take this as an advance for a possible affair. I can’t stand the idea as you may have read in this rant. And many moons ago when I was a hostess in a semi-upscale and “trendy” restaurant, I was more or less propositioned to be a mistress which I took much offense to. Still there is the rub.Between attracting and being attracted to married men, my single life is kind of blah. I mean I am not going into the whole woe is me.

But just picture this scenario: You know how if you go to a party or a barbecue and you reach for a cold beverage from a very filled to the brim cooler packed with ice? However you can’t exactly see what you want because all of the drinks are buried in the ice. So you reach blindly, plummeting your arm into the cold, ice-water mess but all you keep picking out are the drinks you don’t want. Even though you know the drinks you truly want are somewhere below all the ones you keep getting a frozen arm over in the meantime. OK, that may or may not have made sense? Anyway, maybe this is why people cheat? Are many people in marriages they shouldn’t be in, all the while the “right” person for them is sitting at home alone? I know there are plenty of happily married people. But if it were that simple, the divorce rate wouldn’t be a common topic or defense for unwed folks.

Will you be my pixilated wife?

On my morning drive today I heard on NPR’s Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me! that a man is having a virtual marriage with another woman as his real life wife stands by and fumes about it. Feel free to click the previous link, but below is an exerpt from the The Wall Street Journal.

He’s [Ric Hoogestraat of Phoenix] never met the woman outside of the computer world of Second Life, a well-chronicled digital fantasyland with more than eight million registered “residents” who get jobs, attend concerts and date other users. He’s never so much as spoken to her on the telephone. But their relationship has taken on curiously real dimensions. They own two dogs, pay a mortgage together and spend hours shopping at the mall and taking long motorcycle rides. This May, when Mr. Hoogestraat, 53, needed real-life surgery, the redhead cheered him up with a private island that cost her $120,000 in the virtual world’s currency, or about $480 in real-world dollars. Their bond is so strong that three months ago, Mr. Hoogestraat asked Janet Spielman, the 38-year-old Canadian woman who controls the redhead, to become his virtual wife. The woman he’s legally wed to is not amused. “It’s really devastating,” says Sue Hoogestraat, 58, an export agent for a shipping company, who has been married to Mr. Hoogestraat for seven months. “You try to talk to someone or bring them a drink, and they’ll be having sex with a cartoon.”

First of all, I died laughing. Really? A virtual marriage? If I were in a virtual world of sin and fantasy, I’m not sure if I would pick marriage as my place to romp. Although those virtual motorcycle rides the couple takes sounds fun. But why in the world of fantasy land would you want a mortage and a ball and chain — even if it isn’t exactly real? However that really isn’t the point.

In this brave new world of technological improvements on products from yesteryear and the Internet being arguably the lifeblood and pulse of recent existance, isn’t this kind of like cheating? Isn’t it really like trading up for a virtually “better” version of what you already have? Kind of like a software upgrade?

Mr. Hoogestraat’s real-life wife is losing patience with her husband’s second life. “It’s sad; it’s a waste of human life,” says Mrs. Hoogestraat, who is dark-haired and heavy-set with smooth, pale skin. “Everybody has their hobbies, but when it’s from six in the morning until two in the morning, that’s not a hobby, that’s your life.”

Time to leave Mrs. Hoogestratt, time to leave.

A re-edit of the same theme: Why do people cheat?

 [Update: This is a CENSORED version of a previous post. I hate the word censorship but sometimes…well…let’s just say it/I ruffled some feathers … (!)]

I remember a time when I could say I was a less than conservative person.

I knew what I wanted. I went into any bar-lounge-club, found who I wanted to “spend time with” and took that person home — on my terms. I flirted. I got my fix. And I still maintained with my job and family fairly in tact. I did this quite often.

Today I look back and not only say those were some “fun” times but I can safely say (and admit) they weren’t exactly healthy times. I wouldn’t trade any of it but what I can say is that during all of that time of sexual and self-exploration, I was never married. I hadn’t any children. I’m now 29 and don’t regret those two major facts about my life.

Almost everyone I know at this point of my life/age is either married, have children or both. Though I do wish my left ring finger was occupado sort of speak, I would never trade my life today with those I know who have these things. And maybe it’s the age talking or just getting past those stages in my life, but I don’t understand why some people in those situations choose to “have their cake and eat it too”– for lack of a better cliche.

My question is why in the hell do people wait until they have so much going on (i.e. marriage, kids, etc.)? I know things just seem to happen. But once they do, I feel that you need to accept them, work on them or decide it just doesn’t work. And even when you cut that final cord of marriage, and still have young children, you have to just face the reality and responsibility before you. Letting strange men follow you home to have your way with you, even on nights your child/children isn’t/aren’t home, are the selfish actions of someone fresh out of highschool. Not someone on the brink of mid life.

Being someone who is perpetually single, it really physically sickens me when I see this behavior. I’ve made these decisions: staying on the pill, being a little more selective and focusing on my career. I have accepted them. I LIVE with them. But I know I want more. When I see women and men cheat all I can think is, “What about the rest of us??” Why are you grabbing all of the pie? Even if some of the pie taste like rotten ass?

Some of us are trying to do things the “right” way. So many people seem to take advantage of monogamous individuals those of us who have a conscious would be proud to say were our spouse. But instead both parties in these hopeless, extramarital situations, no matter how innocent one of the parties can be, are at fault by either performing the behavior or enabling it. Why grab so much? Why not take the small pieces of the pie, digest it a bit and then decide, “Shit, I don’t really like blackberry pie after all.” Make peace with it and cut those extra, sordid details out – such as the need to cheat.

If it isn’t working, and you don’t want to try to fix things and work things out before you decide to go off and cheat, end the marriage. Having kids who are the product of divorce is much more healthy than having kids in the middle of fights about affairs, accusations, disgust and late nights. I don’t know. I don’t have kids or a husband to judge. But what I do have is enough respect for myself to know that at some point of your life, leading a promiscuous lifestyle borders on desperate past a certain age. At some point in your life you have to hang up your favorite accessible top, miniskirt and less than flattering lap-dance moves.

You can still be sexy without seething with desperation – without the pathetic attempts to be noticed by the opposite sex. And at some point you have to wake up and say, “I’m not a kid anymore and if I’ve got oats to sow, how about waiting until I have a few less strings on my apron.” It’s so important to know where to draw the line on greed. Only so much cake, pie or other savory substances can fit in your stomach before things get out of hand and you have to purge.