How to get over someone in a hurry…

I’m not playing the jilted gal role to the fullest *insert sarcasm.* I figured some guidance was in order to further my process. And we all know that we must learn from those who have gone to battle for you in order to gain more knowledge and a thicker skin. And of course be more prepared for the pitfalls life has in store.  So here you go, folks. My how-tos on getting over someone – fast.

Please note I’ve also posted this over at my Single is the New Relationship blog as well so forgive repeats if you read both blogs, which I doubt any of you do. But if you do, I love you for it.

  1. Blog. Blog. And then when you are done blogging, blog more. Sometimes some really great people have nice things to say about what you have written. And you get the occasional funny advice from the peanut gallery. Here’s my favorite. Hint: Read the first comment.
  2.  

  3. Become a regular over in the meetup scene. I was a naysayer at first, but so far the events have been a load of fun, I get to meet new people who make me laugh and I found myself smiling more. Plus your social calendar is ALWAYS full.
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  5. Be a class act about the rejection. That doesn’t mean that you can’t dish how you REALLY feel over at your personal blog, but just be sure any emails or texts are seething with very matter-of-fact realization that you know it’s over and you will live another day. (Addendum: However, don’t be surprised if the counter reaction from your ex is twice as impersonal than the one you sent.)
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  7. Make sure you put everything in a box and let them know they will be receiving all their stuff in the mail. Don’t wait longer than a week to do it. Follow through is important here. It’s a cleansing folks. But make sure to sell ANYTHING you really can’t use or doesn’t fit that they bought you. However, keep photos…memories tucked away in a box in the garage can be endearing or at least worth pulling out to laugh later which brings me to No. 5.
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  9. Make sure you are a real cheeky git and put a photo in the box you are mailing off of the two of you together with a note like, “thought you might still want this” or “this is how I always remeber us.” You may not really mean it (and they may think you have lost it), but if you know your mate is a real masturbater, it will just make you feel good knowing that your face will still be there until someone else wants to bother coming along, and putting up with their crap. Or at the very least, you laugh to yourself that he/she will worry that you may stalk them.
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  11. Be confident at work about the breakup. Attention cubicle dwellers: It is nearly impossible to cover up a breakup in your office environment. Just suck it up and make sure you let your coworkers know that she/he smelled like pee or something silly so everyone laughs it off and goes back to typing.
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  13. Get on myspace for grins. Myspace is killer for grins especially if you have some funny people on your list who have something fun to say. OK. Just swallow that pride. Myspace has it’s benefits.
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  15. TAKE LOTS OF PHOTOS OF YOURSELF. Especially if you are feeling extra cute that day. Every moment you embrace your greatness, is yet another moment you forget that not-so great moment when you decided to let your guard down.
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  17. Spend more time with your pet and your garden. Yea. This sounds cheesy but nine times out of ten both got kind of neglected if you were busy wasting your time with the wrong guy/girl. They will thank you for it — especially your bitchy cat who didn’t like him/her in the first place.
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  19. .Clean up your place: This means linens, throw pillows — anything that has your ex’s leftover scent. Wouldn’t hurt to spray a little disinfectant on everything as well. Throw everything you can in the wash.
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And there you have it. If you have done these ten things, within about two weeks of the break, you will probably forget your ex’s name. Or at the very least, better your life.

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6 responses to this post.

  1. And make sure you tell everyone how little his dick was/is.
    And sucked his thumb and cried for mommy in his sleep.

    Reply

  2. Posted by MisstressM on Thursday, June 5, 2008 at 7:40 pm

    I usually tell them that my orgasms were all fake

    Reply

  3. Posted by Bekki on Sunday, June 8, 2008 at 9:24 am

    Seriously, that cat is hilarious…your sad break-up is not. Hugs.

    Reply

  4. Here is a video just for fun:

    Text Msg Breakup

    Reply

  5. Well my boyfriend never calls I’m always the one to call i feel like I did something wrong or said something wrong. What should i do?

    Reply

  6. Dump him, sexy. He’s not worth your time.

    Reply

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