Just retire already…

It’s just a small room with two windows facing out to office cubicles. It has a door with lock on it. It’s nothing special and quite plain. But there is a desk or two and plenty of cabinet space. I look into this little room every day. Even when the door is shut and the occupant isn’t even there, I peek in, I dream, I ponder. It’s just an office. A tiny room with the ability to shut off from the rest of the world. With the ability to give me privacy. But it’s not mine. Nor will it ever be while this occupant refuses to give it up. Or retire.

He’s a fixture here. He didn’t aways have an office. And unlike me, he’s not in management. He’s an older gentleman and has worked here for a while until they gave him a new beat. The previous occupant of this room I speak of was his boss. And since everything had changed, this guy was never here but SOMEHOW got the little room I have been coveting by default or just plain Good Old Boy system. Technically it was supposed to go to me. I’m in management, like I said before. He has the office based on wacko principal. Why does he deserve it? He’s older than me I guess. And he’s worked here longer. But I guarantee you I work more in one damn day than he does in a week. I have direct reports that I often need to speak to privately so how do I do it? Well when the conference room is occupied, I go outside.

“Hey so and so! You’ve got a raise!” (insert sound of cars going by.)

It really sucks and yes I’m bitching about it because it’s tough to do my job in a cube next to my team. I have to respond in riddles when the boss calls.

For more than the most part, the current occupant of said office sits in there and reads the damn paper. Drinks his coffee and passes out the mail. Making sure to rub it in to me by throwing lots more mail (that doesn’t even belong to me) on my already crowded cube. He doesn’t need that office. He can do that shit on his own time…on his couch.

7 responses to this post.

  1. This seems like the perfect opportunity for a practical joke. I will put my thinking cap on.


  2. Posted by MisstressM on Tuesday, May 27, 2008 at 3:22 pm

    That’s Corporate America for you


  3. Kick his fuckin cane out from under him, beat him with it and shove it up his ass.
    Or you could just ask him out.


  4. I’ll be interested to see what you come up with, Mike. As for the cane, no luck there Micky. He gets around the office OK without one. As for asking him out, I threw up in my mouth a little. Misstress, tell me about it.


  5. Poison his coffee?

    In the meantime, you need to take the mail that’s not yours and shove it back at him.


  6. Well Jenice. I was implying more along the lines of “taking him out”.
    Blind fold him and tie him to the bed posts and then bring in some incredible hulk jacked up on meth to fuck him to death.

    Theres always the good ole sexual harrasment complaint in the arsenal.

    Sabatoge. Put kiddy porn in his desk and call the cops.


  7. OK. Here goes. Sign him up for every piece of email and snail mail that you can think of. Kind of a reverse “do not call” list. Take a peek at this site for email sabotage. http://www.guerrillamail.com/

    Next, remove the screws from the hinge on the door. When he opens it (providing it’s not too heavy to fall on him, kill him and thus implicating you), the door will come loose and he won’t be able to close it.

    Keep the mail he gives you that isn’t yours, put in in a box and when it accumulates, give it back to him. Tell him that he gave it to you, it’s not your and you are returning it.

    Add mousetraps to his office saying that you saw two mice come out of his office.

    And Micky is right, sexual harassment certainly is an option.

    I have many more but some of them seem just too devious (at least for a public forum).

    By the way, how old is old?


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