It’s Sunday and I think too much…

I think since the start of this new year I couldn’t help thinking that things were going to change for me. For the better? I had no clue. And I’m still not sure. I’ve been reading a lot of blogs today and there seems to be an underlining thread of being at a crossroads of some kind. An awakening or a major change. Currently, I’m not really sure what mine is but I’ve realized a few things: Acceptance and risk. I’ve mentioned the latter often. The previous, not so much.

I’m not good at acceptance. I’m always waiting for something to happen to change a current situation and hopefully for the better. That doesn’t always happen for me. In fact, I don’t see it happening that often. I’ve been doing too much thinking today, however. Actually, I’ve been doing too much thinking since January. I guess I thought my calling was to leave where I am today and go forth in a new direction. Now I see it more as, “Well, Jenice. You just have to make the best of this life you have today.” Which means stop looking over my shoulder for “something else.”

At some point of your life you have to just accept your life as it is. That doesn’t mean being complacent. It just means making the best of now. And I’ve decided to officially stop searching for “something else” because I need to improve, focus and absorb what is my “now.” I’m not being idealistic because I’m doing all this acceptance sort of reluctantly. It just is a kind of growing up. I’ve said once before that 30 is like a second adolescence.

And here is where the risk comes in. I’ve officially decided I want to be a homeowner. I don’t know how it will all come out but making sure I’ve done the whole acceptance bit was the first step. Because I have to be OK with living in Texas a little while longer. No more visions of New York skylines, the scenary of Alaska or the warmth of California. No matter how much I can’t stand Dallas, I need to just grow up.

4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Timbre on Sunday, March 9, 2008 at 1:33 pm

    You are so right, It’s happening all over the place this need for something more.

    its happening to all of my friends as well. 08 is supposed to be the time for change and big decisions. Death of the old and birth of the new. Thank You SO much for your post. i am LITERALLY in the same boat, feeling too old for the BS needing to change or move, something…still waiting to know for sure what, but doing more than I ever have despite that wait…just being here now helps keep me grounded but longing propels me to dream for more.

    Like those New York Skylines or Alaskan Pastoral views.

    am planning to move, just sooner, so I don’t talk myself out of it. It’s all about RISK, you only have one life, make every moment count- Lose fear at the door and step in!!!!!

    Cheers, girl! Hope everything goes well! Congratulations.


  2. Oh My Dear –

    Do I understand everything you are feeling and have written.

    I have lived in 10 or 12 states (and multiple cities in some of those states) and understand the longing to live elsewhere such as California and New York.

    I ended up living in both, and they weren’t the answer to my search.

    For me it is a constant struggle, and now that Noelle is in the picture, and living in AZ, although I feel the slight tug to go elsewhere, I will never do it.

    Sorry I haven’t been reading much…the job keeps me pretty busy.

    Stay well



  3. Posted by It's Me on Monday, March 24, 2008 at 6:29 pm

    My mum always told me 30 is your best year.

    She didn’t lie. I read the link…

    At 30, you realize that the chics who couldn’t afford to put gas in the Bentley are full of shit, got their tits from a guy who is going to trade them in soon…gee, didn’t I teach you anything can be bought?

    However, right now I am poor, I will probably be harassed like crazy for the next year or so, don’t have anything to call my own, but I am free.

    I will drive a tiny car, eventually get my tiny, cheap ass apartment, have to budget like a madwoman, charge up my cards…but I have never felt so free, and closer to who I once was. So come what may…my mum was right…30 is the best year of your life.

    30 is just a number. You never accept how life is…but you just be thankful that you got another day to live, and you don’t know what that day will bring. It’s exhilirating, scary, boring, fun, hilarious, sad…but damn, it’s yours and not a body can take it from you.

    And let the record show…I left his ass on 2-19-2008.

    Closer to seeing you,
    Moon River


  4. I emailed you. I suppose you will come along in your own time. But I will say that I’m glad you are embarking on a new passage in your life.


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