Archive for September 9th, 2007

I’m answering your questions.

Because I’m in a strange Sunday mood, I’ve decided to give simple answers to your burning questions. More to the point, the questions listed on my search engine stats. I hope they will be of use to you and maybe to those who have sadly stumbled onto my blog searching for real advice.

Got a search engine quesiton?1.) should I date a coworker of another race?

Well I say who cares about the color. The main issue you need to consider is if it’s wise to date your coworker. The race is irrelevant. Whoever you are, get your priorities in order.

2.) how to have affair married man

Geez. That isn’t too hard. Dress the part. Sit at the bar. Wait. And mention that you have condoms in your handbag. Then shut the hell up about it to your friends because they will be your worst enemy if they find out.

3.) how to keep a married man around

Hum. If you have to ask then you have been pushed aside for the other tart at the bar. Time to move on toots. Get a hobby or something.

4.) why do animals lay at my feet

Depends. Do your feet smell? Seriously. Animals love smells. And things that smell odd or yucky to us, they just seem to love. This may also be because you are a very lovable person and they just want some snuggle time.

5.) married man mistress breaking up with me

Ahahahahahah! I have no advice. Maybe you should have not cheated on your wife in the first place.

6.) WHY A PEDICURE

Because people hate feet for the most part unless you have a foot fetish. I choose not to go to salons anymore for a pedi and do it myself. You can read about it here.

7.) that the purpose of life is work argument

Yep. For me my purpose has proven time and time again to be work related. But that isn’t true for everyone. There are all the Mother Teresas in the world. Like Miss Jolie. *choked on vomit*

8.) How do black women feel about aging?

Well as the saying goes, black don’t crack. I think black women aren’t worried about their appearance while aging. But I think everyone, not just women of course, are always worried about aging. Some people truly embrace it as I hope to do as I tackle my fear of turning 30.

9.) white men will date asian women but not

But not what? Next question.

10.) wife prefers black men

Well grow a pair and leave her.

11.) how black women make love to a white guy

Hum. Well. We don’t really have any different parts from white chicks so figure it out. Maybe you wanted to read, “Ooh baby, we like it rough.” Or “Wez really freaky in the bedroom, yo.” Next racially charged question.

12.) are black women looked down upon by whit

Ask and you shall receive. Looks like another black/white question. Well black women are looked down upon if they let themselves be looked down upon. People do what they want around here and looking down is just one of the wonderful things humanity has to offer.

13.) letting go of a narcissist

Just stop listening and piss them off with your honesty.

14.) Black men don’t want black women

Oh. Really. Well I’m not worried about it. Why should you? Grow a pair and step out of your comfort zone.

15.) why does every movie I watch have a whit

Because of The Man.

16.) how to date white men

Go to Hooters. Ah. I’m kidding. Well, I think just stay open-minded. If you’ve snagged a white man and you are a black chick like me, it really shouldn’t be any different than shagging I mean snagging any other race. Man. Why are people so concerned with this?

17.) I dated a black women

Good for you. And I think you meant to type woman.

18.) why do married couple cheat

I’m still trying to answer this question myself. But I guess it’s like really digging candy. But your favorite kind is getting old to you and you heard about another candy you may enjoy a whole lot more. However, just in case it tastes bad, you don’t want to let go of the old candy. Not just yet.

19.) hobby lobby is a horrible place to work

Not really a question but I will say that it’s a horrible place to shop or get pictures framed.

20.) wanna live like a dog

Me too.

There were lots of others but they were variations of the same sexually charged, racially divided nature. Have a question?

Use the form below. If you want it answered privately, say so.

Here is one question from Frontier Former Editor: Dear mother of god, from under what rock or deadfall did the questioners in this last post crawl?

A) I wish I could answer this question. But what I can say to you dear Frontier is that we would probably be amazed that it could be the neighbor next door or your kid’s school teacher.

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Teach me how to lie…without guilt.

It’s a Sunday. An overcast Sunday at that. And I’ve showered, ate some apricots and am pondering lunch. I feel pretty damn relaxed for once and I just want to be loungy today.

Well today wasn’t supposed to be a day of leisure. I had some places to be today but didn’t feel like going. Actually, I don’t have to be there but I tend to obligate myself to just about everything. Which is what I did on a Friday night as well — obligated myself to an event I was really only going to because I was asked by a family member. But not today. Today I want to fart around on WordPress. Watch IFC and pack up for my move Saturday. So I told a few fibbers. Small but fibs just the same.

As you can read in my bio, I don’t like lying. And in fact today’s fibber wasn’t really a true lie. I have been doing some work today, as my fib mentioned. However I haven’t spent all day doing it. I just didn’t want to leave the house. Didn’t want to shed my full tank of gas. So I fibbed.

But now the guilt is setting in and it wasn’t even a really big lie! How do politicians do this everyday?! I sometimes wish I could lie and in fact lie without the guilt attached. I’m not Catholic but I am surely someone who can feel guilty at the drop of a hat. Even if it isn’t my fault. What a deficiency to have! Tomorrow will be full of more obligations, even after work hours. So I already have a nice bookend of my time obligated. So Sunday I lied. Er fibbed.

I don’t really know why I’ve blogged about this. Maybe it’s my form of a confessional…

Get out the f-ing car!

Many moons ago in my youthful courtin’ days, I can’t think of one time when a guy stayed in the car and honked when arriving to pick me up from my parents’ house. And if he ever did, my father probably would have gone to his car door and asked what his problem was. The same can be said for any friends who may have come over to pick me up — female or male. They came to the door, said hello to my folks and then we left.

I live in an area I simply hate. And luckily I’m moving Saturday. But there is a consistent car honker. It’s always at times that I’m in my underwear so I don’t get out there in time to see who the hell is the product of my nightmares of loud noises. But it’s at all hours. Last night it was well past 11. This morning it started at 10:30, and yea, I should have been up but that is simply not the point. Get out of the fucking car!

Why is this so hard? Turn off the ignition. Open your car door. GET YOUR SORRY ASS OUT. Then close your car door. The time this person takes honking for like three minutes, he or she could have already got the person he or she is picking up. Sometimes this honking is at like 8 in the morning on a Saturday! It makes me want to purchase a gun license.

The car horn is supposed to be used for road rage only. Don’t people know that?! I just don’t know when this became acceptable behavior and I guess some part of me must be a tad old fashion. People need to rise up against residential car honkers. Maybe we need T-shirts. Wait, I think I just got inspired.