Dogs can poop on your senator

I could just shoot myself for not listening and not taking out a pen and paper while watching the news last night. I admit that I was just relaxing, enjoying hanging out on a holiday weekend with my family and didn’t pay attention to the end story of the night — until I heard the words dog and cemetery.

My local news station did a story on a cemetery (and this is where I want to shoot myself) that received much needed care by using dog walker memberships, but I didn’t hear where the hell it was located! My parents were trying to remember the name of it and I have been frantically Googling to find the story which surprisingly isn’t even on the news’ site. It’s like the story never happened! I can’t blame them though, they did show a clip of a dog actually crapping on a grave site. No joke! Now you know why I could just shoot myself.

So on my Google search I did come across this. If this isn’t news to you, bear with me. But for those of you like little old me, I will tell you that the historic congressional cemetery (which is not government owned) in Washington, D.C. has dog walker memberships. Such memberships helped improve the cemetery in question on the story last night. But can you imagine?! I mean poop you can pick up but in this news story I saw last night (which I’m STILL trying to track down to see if it’s the same place in Washington), dogs were peeing literally inches away from tombstones! Read this from the rules and regs of the Washington organization.

Welcome to Congressional Cemetery. Despite its name, Congressional Cemetery is not a government owned or operated facility; it is a private, non-profit, burial ground. Please keep in mind that Congressional is first and foremost a functioning cemetery, not a “dog park.” Dogwalking is a privilege of membership in the Association. To ensure the harmonious use by all, we ask you to adhere to the following rules.

Oooh. I’m happy for the clarification between a burial ground and a dog park. OK before I give some of the rules, you know what rules are for? Breaking. And you know there just has to be some fun-seekers who will let their dogs crap on an old senator.

2) All dogs must be kept away from people visiting gravesites, burial services, ceremonies, group tours, grounds maintenance crews, and other non-dogwalking visitors and events. Aggressive behavior, barking, jumping, or snarling at visitors or other guests and authorized personnel will not be tolerated and may be grounds for revocation of dogwalking privileges.

I just had a great visual.

4) The Cemetery will be closed to all dogwalkers one hour before and after burials. Notifications will be sent by e-mail and a sign posted at the front gate. The Cemetery will also be closed to all dogwalkers from 9:00 am to 4:00 pm on certain holidays: Easter, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas.

But what if I want to walk my dog on Christmas morn? I can’t think of a better place than a graveyard! Come on, please. It’s my privilege.

Am I wrong to think this is weird? No matter how long it’s been happening? And can someone in Texas please tell me what graveyard they featured last night on FOX News? I’m not so good a journalist afterall.

[By the way, I sure have been watching a lot of FOX News over here. WTF?]

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