The married man

Not too long ago I had a business lunch with someone I could tell right away as “my type.” I’m not one to really have a laundry list of things that make up a type for me because what I find attractive varies — and varies often. But then there are times like this one in particular…

First off, a great smile. Intelligence and humor. Great taste. Conversation. All of this I notice five minutes into the meeting. The first thing I do when many of these things come up as I encounter the opposite sex — in any situation — is I immediately, very slyly glance to see if he’s packin.’ But when I say packin’ I don’t mean anything other than if he’s got a ring! And more likely than not, he usually does. And so did this guy. I’m not about to preach on the whole “all the good ones are taken” thing. I think there are all kinds of great singles out there. I just don’t encounter them in my day to day. But who I do encounter are married men.

If you asked me who my “ideal” man was, I could probably give you a list if you really wanted it. However, I would have a hard time because like I said, it can vary and because I’m such an almost A.D.D. type of person I may tell you honesty is the most important thing and then if you asked me again I would say a sense of humor. In past cyber surfing attempts trying to find a match, I used the blanket script of honesty as my main focus. And somewhere in there I say something about being able to “keep up with me” or some other bullshit kind of entry. What doesn’t help, and this isn’t me coming close to bragging, is that when there seems to be a connection with someone, (not in my recent case) the guy quickly says some variation of this, “If I wasn’t married…” I never take this as an advance for a possible affair. I can’t stand the idea as you may have read in this rant. And many moons ago when I was a hostess in a semi-upscale and “trendy” restaurant, I was more or less propositioned to be a mistress which I took much offense to. Still there is the rub.Between attracting and being attracted to married men, my single life is kind of blah. I mean I am not going into the whole woe is me.

But just picture this scenario: You know how if you go to a party or a barbecue and you reach for a cold beverage from a very filled to the brim cooler packed with ice? However you can’t exactly see what you want because all of the drinks are buried in the ice. So you reach blindly, plummeting your arm into the cold, ice-water mess but all you keep picking out are the drinks you don’t want. Even though you know the drinks you truly want are somewhere below all the ones you keep getting a frozen arm over in the meantime. OK, that may or may not have made sense? Anyway, maybe this is why people cheat? Are many people in marriages they shouldn’t be in, all the while the “right” person for them is sitting at home alone? I know there are plenty of happily married people. But if it were that simple, the divorce rate wouldn’t be a common topic or defense for unwed folks.

6 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by crims0nf0xx on Saturday, September 1, 2007 at 8:55 am

    Being single in a mostly married business world is hard simply because most of the men you encounter are married. Getting involved with a married man is a one way road to heartache. I have had friends who have been involved with married men and it did not turn out well. However, there are a lot of married people who are miserable, people who should have never gotten together, and you’re right, thats why they cheat. These are the people who are plunging their arms into that ice cold water, swishing their hand around searching for the right drink to quench their thirst.


  2. I would never be someone’s mistress. I just accept the fact that it’s better to be alone than to mess up a marriage. But it does kind of suck when so many people stay in relationships they don’t really even want to be in the first place.


  3. Hey A.J.,

    I like your style of writing. And to answer your question: I am thankfully not in a marriage I don’t want – however my relation ship status is single because the best women in my age have found their caring partner. We will both find our Mr. and Ms. Right I am certain 🙂
    As for messing up someone else’s relationship or marriage it would not be YOU messing it up it would be him messing it up…..


  4. Thanks for the compliment, Andre. But I don’t think there really is a Mr. Right out there for me. Just Mr. Ok, I think you are the best I can find. Ahah.


  5. Hey A.J.,

    there are about 99 Million of Mr. Rights out there. You will just need to get your hands cold a few times digging for him as there are 6,600,000,000 (est) people on this planet…. Easier said then done – my hands are already blue and about to fall off 😉


  6. “Mr. Right” always seems wonderful unless you’re married to him. Married men are usually on their best behavior because it’s fun to be with someone who he doesn’t have to share the day to day problems, issues, etc. with. I was involved with a married man and it turned out to be an extremely heartbreaking experience. Andre, I don’t think it’s fair to say that it’s only the man who messes up, the other woman is most certainly a contributing party to the affair. I am also a true believer in karma…what goes around comes around and I don’t want to be the wife of a cheating husband.


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