A re-edit of the same theme: Why do people cheat?

 [Update: This is a CENSORED version of a previous post. I hate the word censorship but sometimes…well…let’s just say it/I ruffled some feathers … (!)]

I remember a time when I could say I was a less than conservative person.

I knew what I wanted. I went into any bar-lounge-club, found who I wanted to “spend time with” and took that person home — on my terms. I flirted. I got my fix. And I still maintained with my job and family fairly in tact. I did this quite often.

Today I look back and not only say those were some “fun” times but I can safely say (and admit) they weren’t exactly healthy times. I wouldn’t trade any of it but what I can say is that during all of that time of sexual and self-exploration, I was never married. I hadn’t any children. I’m now 29 and don’t regret those two major facts about my life.

Almost everyone I know at this point of my life/age is either married, have children or both. Though I do wish my left ring finger was occupado sort of speak, I would never trade my life today with those I know who have these things. And maybe it’s the age talking or just getting past those stages in my life, but I don’t understand why some people in those situations choose to “have their cake and eat it too”– for lack of a better cliche.

My question is why in the hell do people wait until they have so much going on (i.e. marriage, kids, etc.)? I know things just seem to happen. But once they do, I feel that you need to accept them, work on them or decide it just doesn’t work. And even when you cut that final cord of marriage, and still have young children, you have to just face the reality and responsibility before you. Letting strange men follow you home to have your way with you, even on nights your child/children isn’t/aren’t home, are the selfish actions of someone fresh out of highschool. Not someone on the brink of mid life.

Being someone who is perpetually single, it really physically sickens me when I see this behavior. I’ve made these decisions: staying on the pill, being a little more selective and focusing on my career. I have accepted them. I LIVE with them. But I know I want more. When I see women and men cheat all I can think is, “What about the rest of us??” Why are you grabbing all of the pie? Even if some of the pie taste like rotten ass?

Some of us are trying to do things the “right” way. So many people seem to take advantage of monogamous individuals those of us who have a conscious would be proud to say were our spouse. But instead both parties in these hopeless, extramarital situations, no matter how innocent one of the parties can be, are at fault by either performing the behavior or enabling it. Why grab so much? Why not take the small pieces of the pie, digest it a bit and then decide, “Shit, I don’t really like blackberry pie after all.” Make peace with it and cut those extra, sordid details out – such as the need to cheat.

If it isn’t working, and you don’t want to try to fix things and work things out before you decide to go off and cheat, end the marriage. Having kids who are the product of divorce is much more healthy than having kids in the middle of fights about affairs, accusations, disgust and late nights. I don’t know. I don’t have kids or a husband to judge. But what I do have is enough respect for myself to know that at some point of your life, leading a promiscuous lifestyle borders on desperate past a certain age. At some point in your life you have to hang up your favorite accessible top, miniskirt and less than flattering lap-dance moves.

You can still be sexy without seething with desperation – without the pathetic attempts to be noticed by the opposite sex. And at some point you have to wake up and say, “I’m not a kid anymore and if I’ve got oats to sow, how about waiting until I have a few less strings on my apron.” It’s so important to know where to draw the line on greed. Only so much cake, pie or other savory substances can fit in your stomach before things get out of hand and you have to purge.

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3 responses to this post.

  1. I can understand your point of view here. I as a married man of 5 years with the same person for almost 10, things change over time. Hence, the start of my blog.

    What I’ve noticed over time is that life in general gets in the way of being close to the one you love. I wouldnt cheat on my wife, but I can understand how other can. Us men in our simplistic ways dont understand how things change. We dont understand that going to work, dealing with issues there, coming home and dealing with a little one, your husband and other things in household life. Sex is the last thing on the list.

    At first things are great as it’s all new. After time goes on and that wears off. Things slow drasticly. Add kids and a mortgage, some past baggage and you have the ingredients for a relationsip that focuses on everything else besides whats most important, the core of why you became a couple in the first place. The love that you feel when you see that person. The fact that just a smile or a soft touch from them means the world to you. It’s just not all about sex.

    Married couples over time lose sight of that core. It’s no longer about them and the love they share for eachother, but everything else that makes up there lives. It’s very difficult to get back to the main focus, the core, but it can be done.

    Reply

  2. That core, as you said, is something so many marriages DO forget. That is so very true. I think so many people take marriage for granted. And from what I’ve read so far in your blog, you aren’t one of those! It is so much a harder time to keep that focus than to lose it. I hope that made sense! And you are better for it when you do.

    Reply

  3. […] take this as an advance for a possible affair. I can’t stand the idea as you may have read in this rant. And many moons ago when I was a hostess in a semi-upscale and “trendy” restaurant, I […]

    Reply

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